"Family is one of nature's masterpieces."

A Letter to James on our 7th

2011-10-09T22:55:00.016-04:00

As I think back on the events of the last year, I can't help but tear up (yeah, the baby blues might have something to do with it). We celebrate another anniversary as we welcome our 5th miracle into this world. I have to mourn the passing of our "family building" years as I welcome a year we have already decided should be, at least in part, dedicated to reclaiming our own physical fitness. As I look back thankfully on 7 wonderful years, I am also saddened by the thought of how fast they have passed. Our first 4 babies are babies no more, and I know it won't be long before Baby Tiny is talking and walking.

This year has been filled with lows like my grandfather's passing and having to skip my sister's wedding and highs like welcoming baby Eliana, watching our children enjoying life's simple pleasures, and actually spending a night away from all of them to celebrate our anniversary.

At the end of this emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy, I look back thankfully that I've had you to lean on throughout the last 7 years. With each year that passes, you've shown me all the reasons why I've grown to love you more today than I did the day we got married. I know what Amelia means when she says she wishes she could marry you too. It's that she cannot imagine a greater man than her Daddy. Her world may still be small, but I have to agree with her that I cannot imagine a better husband or father. She is wise beyond her years.

With 7 years behind us, I look forward to what our future may hold. Of course, I pray that includes many more happy, healthy years raising our family. I mentioned the other night that I found the words of Steve Jobs about having kids ("It's 10,000 times better than anything I've ever done.")really struck a chord. I've always felt that family is the most important thing in life, so that is no revelation. Rather, I think the perspective his statement offers, that someone as accomplished as Steve Jobs looks back at life, with the end in sight, and decides that having kids was his greatest achievement is so revealing. Like Jobs, I don't want to look back at life and have any regrets about how I was or wasn't there for our family. Being the workaholic I am, I expect you to keep me in check.

I can't imagine having shared the amazing journey of the last 7 years with anyone else. Fresh in my mind are the memories of our wedding, traveling in Hawaii as newlyweds, finding out we were pregnant with Jameson, watching you sleep with each of our babies on your chest, bringing Truman and Amelia home from the hospital to meet Jameson, laughing at the surprise of Darwin's birth when we realized he was a boy, and our shock when we realized we were pregnant with Eliana. These memories just skim the surface of our years together, but they remind me how blessed we have been. My hopes for our future are simple: health and happiness for our family and time to watch our children grow and build their own families. When you think about it, it's all that really matters, and I'm lucky to share it with you.

Let Me Take a Deep Breath . . .

2011-08-11T23:24:00.000-04:00

It's been a while, and the unfinished drafts are piling up.

I have been a busy mom in the last several months, focusing all my time on work, family, and household work. Needless to say, my blogging has fallen by the wayside. I have 18 unposted drafts because I have started so many that I have been unable or unwilling to finish that I keep thinking I'm going to have time to finish. Maybe this one will finally make it.

Our kids have grown so fast and so much has happened that I don't even know where to start. With each new baby, I have done a progressively worse job of writing and recording memories from their childhoods. There is still plenty of time, but it still makes me sad knowing how fast that first year goes. That being said, little Darwin is almost ready to turn 2, and I probably have less than half the number of posts for him than I did for the first three kids. Funny how we grow to understand what our own parents went through as each subsequent child has fewer pictures and keepsakes.

One funny thing about our littlest guy (for now): he's a singing machine. He loves music, learning new songs, and best of all, singing them at the top of his lungs. Yes, most kids love to sing, but how many can really carry a tune? Darwin is unique amongst our kids for this quality. He not only has good pitch, but he also pays attention to the timing and the other details in songs. His favorite sing along: MJ's "Beat It". I don't expect him to be the next Andrea Bocelli, but it's one thing I want to remember about him as a baby. One of these days we're going to remember to tape him.

He's also talking up a storm now, repeating anything and everything he hears. He likes to tell the kids what to do, what not to do, and if they make him mad, he's not afraid to fight back. He's a bit of a screamer, but we're working on that. He's an easy baby in so many ways that his difficult habits seem small by comparison.

He likes to wake up and say "Good Morning!" to Baby Tiny by pulling up my shirt and smacking my belly. He always remembers to tell me he loves me when I leave for work in the morning, which always melts me. I know one day he'll stop, so I'll cherish it while it lasts.

I think to date, he's our easiest bedtime baby, or he's a close 2nd to Truman. He's not always immediately willing, but he never puts up much of a fight. He has a stuffed frog that plays music, whom he affectionately calls "Grog", and a teddy bear, known as "Baby Bear". They're his morning buddies as Mom & Dad struggle with mornings earlier than 7:30 a.m.

There's no doubt that he's in a big hurry to grow up, so I'm clinging to the end of his babyhood. I guess with Baby Tiny on her way, he's going to have to get used to being the big brother. I'm looking forward to introducing them, so hopefully, Baby Tiny and I make it safely through pregnancy and delivery. I'm sure he'll make a great big brother. He has 3 great models.
(originally drafted 6/6/2011)

Bedtime Outburst

2011-01-26T00:56:00.003-05:00

Truman is generally our best behaved kid when it comes to bedtime. Dinner ends, and he might play for a bit, but he is usually asking to "do all the things". That means that he wants to do everything to get ready for bed (brush teeth, read books, maybe the occasional video game), and he is generally willing to go to bed shortly afterward.

Tonight, James was taking Amelia to a basketball game, so it was just me and the boys. Shortly after dinner, Truman was already asking to "do all the things", so James offered to put him in bed before he left. He put him in bed, left, and I stayed with Jameson and Darwin downstairs.

About 30 minutes later, as I am preparing to take Jameson upstairs to bed, Truman pokes his face through the 2nd floor stair rails and yells, "bring me downstairs!". I am surprised to see that he's still awake, but I try to reassure him that I am on my way upstairs to bring Jameson to bed. He breaks down, falls into a fetal position, and starts crying. I pick him up, and I tell him that if he lays down, I will get him a drink.

As Jameson brushes his teeth, and I return with a drink for Truman, which seems to satisfy him for the moment. For a few brief minutes, everyone is at peace as we lay down to read a couple of books. Then, I declare it's bedtime.

Everyone is quiet as I lay down with Jameson for a few minutes. Truman begins grumbling that he doesn't want to go to sleep, but I am so tired I am fading in and out of sleep. A few minutes later, I wake up to more Truman grumbling, except he is escalating it now to yelling and threats, fairly out of character for him.

I ignore him at first, just listening to what he's saying. I wanted to be mad because it's late, and I still have to get Darwin to sleep. Then I really started listening to what he was saying, and I wanted to laugh.

In his angry stream of demands and threats, he orders that I "say something to [him], don't say something to [him]". I think that's his way of telling me not to talk to him. He demands the same about 20 times. When I don't respond, he begins to bang on the sides of the crib. (Yes, he's still in a crib due to our temporary living arrangements). I can tell that he likes the loudness of his foot banging on the wood panels. He bangs harder. Then he begins to throw out his threats, "I'm gonna break this bed!", and I can't help but giggle to myself.

"I'm gonna break this bed and then we don't have a bed!" I am still laughing on the inside, but I tell him to cut it out, and that it's time to go to sleep. He grumbles more threats under his breath, and I tell him I am going downstairs to get Darwin.

When I return with Darwin, Truman is still awake and continuing with his complaints and threats. I turn on the bedtime music, and this finally seems to settle him down. He is asleep before I can get Darwin to sleep, and I laugh as I remembered his angry little threats and how far we've come from the calm, quiet, agreeable Truman of days long passed.

What the Kids Are Saying

2010-10-08T03:23:00.002-04:00

(originally drafted 7/27/2010 and revised 10/8/2010)

Every day James and I laugh about something one of the kids said. Here's some of my recent favorites.

"What the mess?" - Amelia's favorite expression of surprise

"What the, what the, what the" - Truman's version

"Ba, if you want to see your babies more, then only go to the casino at night" - Jameson's words of advice to my mom

"No, no, no" - Darwin's late night complaint when he doesn't get his way

"Brefticks" - Jameson's word for 'breakfast'

"Hoolie - go to work" - Amelia's warm way of saying 'good-bye' when I leave for work.

"You got to turn off the vireless?" - Truman's austrian pronunciation of "wireless"

"milk and honey and cheerios and blananas" - Truman's all-time favorite food

"blputer" - Truman's new favorite diversion, the computer

"Pongebob Quarepants" - Amelia's favorite cartoon

"Let me have the puzzle phone." - Truman's name for the iPhone

"Anybody help me!" - Truman's way of declaring that he needs help

"auntdat" - Darwin's way of telling you he wants something

I could go on here, but if I do, I'll never get this posted. I'm already way behind on my posting, so no sense in delaying it any more.

Baby D Turns One

2010-08-24T01:26:00.010-04:00

One year ago today, you woke me up with a sharp kick to the stomach. You hit me so hard, that I got up to go to the bathroom, and I realized what was happening. You hadn't just kicked me. You broke my water.

I woke up Dad at about 4:30 a.m., and he called your grandma who was ready to come take care of Jameson, Truman, and Amelia. We rushed off to the hospital, excited because we knew you were coming. We checked in, and labor progressed painfully quickly. By 7 or 8, I was begging for an epidural, and the doctor showed up not long after.

A few hours later, you were ready to meet the world, and you were out in no time. Moments after you were born, I found out that you were a boy. I was a little surprised since I was convinced you were a girl. Either way, you were perfect, and I could not wait to bring you home to meet your brothers and sister.

We spent the next two days holding you, staring at you, and trying to pick your name. We knew right away that you were going to be such a good baby. You have not disappointed.

I knew you would be smothered in love from day one, and I knew I was right when everyone was far more excited to see you than Mom and Dad when we came home from the hospital. Every morning, JJ still wakes up to see if his little Darwinky is up yet. Truman and Amelia rush to Mom and Dad's bed when they wake up for a chance to be close to you and talk to you.

You are so anxious to be one of the big kids, and Mom is happy to keep you as a baby for as long as possible. Now I know why parents spoil the baby. I feel lucky to be your mom, and I can't wait to learn more about the little boy you are becoming. Before I know it, you'll be off to school (like JJ), anxious to do whatever JJ, Truman, and Amelia are doing.

Today, I just wanted to take a moment to remember how excited I was a year ago today to know that I would finally get to meet you. You have made it easy to be your mom, and you charm me every day with you big dimples, coy smiles, and happy demeanor.

Happy 1st Birthday, Baby Darwin!

So What If It's Not Father's Day

2010-07-06T09:26:00.001-04:00

After a long blogging hiatus, I needed something like Father's Day to pull me out of my rut. Sadly, I missed the actual date, but I am still compelled to write my "Father's Day" post. After all, there's no reason we can't celebrate Father's Day any day of the year.

In this household, I am the one that fails to plan for birthdays, anniversaries, or any other special occasion. James is far better in this department, and the kids know it. Apparently, Father's Day deserves more hype than I planned. Jameson told me on Saturday (our chosen day to celebrate) that 'Dad gets to sleep late and eat breakfast in bed'. I told him that we were making cards, and he told me, "We have to make more plans than that". Like I said, I usually fall short in special event planning. Jameson was right. Our family owes James more than that, but James was happy to sleep in until 10:30 and eat a cold bacon, egg, & cheese biscuit in bed. The beauty of men is that they are simple creatures.

Well, I might have missed the actual day, but that does not make James's role in our family any less special any other day. Every day I come home to happy, healthy children (and maybe a cooked dinner) is another day I am thankful for everything he does for us. I know the children concur.

They each have their special bond with their dad, and it's always cute, sometimes even funny, to see it in action. For instance, one of Amelia's favorite rituals is to ask to hold his finger whenever we're in the car. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, and it is, but it's still kind of cute. I am not sure how this strange request ever came up, but I am sure one day she will laugh when I tell her that story.

Jameson's favorite pastime with Dad is definitely video games, specifically Mario Galaxy (or the more recently released Mario Galaxy 2). Strangely, Jameson doesn't even care to play so much as he does to WATCH James play. I'm not sure why or how it works, but Jameson loves to have some video game time with dad.

Truman's favorite time with Dad is just about any one-on-one time he can get. Truman is so good at independent play and is so low-maintenance (usually) that it's easy to just let him do his thing. He's happy to play on his own, but he loves it when James roughhouses with him. He will squeal in delight and his legs buckle when he's laughing hard, startled, or excited. Truman loves to curl up on the couch with Dad, his cup of milk, and a good cartoon.

Darwin is the latest addition to this rowdy bunch. He's no longer happy to sit back and watch all the fun, so he is demanding to get down and do what the other kids are doing. Like all those before him, Darwin is a big fan of Dad. I know James was happy to finally have one of our kids say "da da" before "ma ma".

Okay, so I'm a bit late with my "Father's Day" post, but is there ever really a bad time to say thanks, James, for being without question the best dad and husband possible? I don't think so.

What cakes?

2010-03-03T23:29:00.004-05:00

It looks like we might actually be selling our house. We even have a closing scheduled at the end of the month, so at the risk of jinxing our potential sale, I bought our neighbors a gift. On my way home from work tonight, I stopped at a cake bakery, and I picked up a box of delicious cupcakes. We have one set of great neighbors. You know - the kind who mow our grass, snow blow our driveway, and cook for us after we have another baby. Anyway, they're great, and we will miss them. A box of cupcakes is just a small gesture.

Well, I couldn't go and buy cupcakes for our neighbors and not bring some home for our kids. I brought them cupcakes too, and I got them a few "cookie monsters". After dinner I handed out the cookies monsters, and Truman, as usual, devoured his. A short while later, after running about 30 or so races from the front door to the couch, Truman decides he wants to eat again. He says he wants more "cookie monter". "Sorry, Truman, but Mom just has cupcakes", I tell him. With his cute as always "Yup", he agrees, he wants "buttcakes". "Yup, buttcakes"!

The Roof Came Alive by Jameson

2010-01-20T20:09:00.008-05:00

I have so many posts that have only really made it to draft form (15 to be exact) and for one reason or another I see them later and I am compelled to post them. I love this one inspired by a story from Jameson.

The Roof Came Alive by Jameson

Once there was a little boy who had a tiny little brother, and all his little brother liked to do was suck on his hands. So the little boy was very lonely and he wanted a friend. The mouse magician knew the little boy wanted a friend, so he did some magic one day and the roof came alive! Now the little boy had a friend. (originally drafted 1/20/2010)

He told this story shortly after Darwin was born when he was too little to do much but suck on his hands. It was one of those stories that kids come up with on the fly, but I love the "mouse magician" he pulled out of nowhere. I laughed as I re-read it, and I thought at least James would get a kick out of it.

Thank You, Massachusetts!

2010-01-20T00:00:00.005-05:00

I believe in checks and balances, and a super majority is super sucky! That's all I have to say tonight. Well, not really, but this is a family blog.

On a far more important subject, say a prayer for the Haiti earthquake victims, and consider yourself blessed.

2009 in Review

2009-12-31T15:24:00.018-05:00

I told James last night that I was resolved to blog at least one more time before the end of 2009. Let see if I make it. . . . Nope, I failed but here goes anyway

This year we. . .

. . . saw the twins turn 2, and we had a small (immediate family only) party at home. I figured that we'll have many future birthday parties with children and guests overrunning the house, so we opted for low-key this year. Happy Birthday, my twinkies! I owe both of you two blogs or letters since I have missed writing to you both years. (video to come)

. . .celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary, and I can hardly believe that here we are 5 years later with 4 kids. I love it when people ask 'how do you do it?'. I always think 'I don't know.', and I'm pretty sure that most parents with lots of little ones think the same thing. It's all happening so fast, you barely have time to think about it happening. One thing is certain though. We make a good team when we're not driving each other crazy, and that's really important with small kids. They count on us to hold this thing together, and so far, I think we're doing pretty well.

. . .pulled Jameson out of school. I really regretted having to pull Jameson out of school, but daycare is ridiculously expensive for a single-earner household. I do not miss the virus of the week he would bring home, but we're still getting more than our fair share of "sickies". He is very anxious to get back to school, and I know he misses his friends.

. . .had James quit his job and stay home with the kids. This was probably the single best decision we made all year. We didn't have to think too long and hard about this one. It just made sense. Even though I tease him about being my housewife, he really does a great job with the kids.

. . . watched how our daughter had turned from infant into little lady. She is 2 going on 12, already rebelling and telling me "Stop it, Mama!". She's like a little parrot, happy to repeat everything we say. Almost from the time she was a newborn, she has had this knowing smile that says 'yeah, I know what's up'. She thinks she's part of every joke, happy to feign laughter as if she's in on it. She wakes up in the mornings telling us that we need to "change Maya" and that "Buddy's stinky" (Buddy is, of course, Truman). Here's a short video of spunky, little Maya.

. . . found out that even Truman will have the 'terrible twos'. Truman was such an easy baby in most regards. He went to bed easily. He ate whatever you gave him. He would sit happily. He would play happily. Well, unfortunately, even though he was an easy baby, it appears even he will go through the rebellious, tantrum-ridden twos. Now, he enjoys throwing everything in sight, biting you if you make him mad, picking fights with JJ, and bullying Amelia. He can be the sweetest, most sensitive little boy one second, but, look out, 'cause he's got a mean streak. That's okay by me though because I think everybody needs a little edge. Here's a little Truman craziness.

. . . welcomed Darwin into the world! Despite thinking we would have at least a 3 year break before having any more children, we found out that we could not have planned things any better. Darwin is precious and such a good baby. He is cooing like crazy, and I can already tell he's going to be a talker like JJ and Maya. I love curling up next to my little guy at night, and I am relishing the baby stage. Jameson has enjoyed Darwin since he is now fully aware of all the big brother responsibilities and privileges. Here's a video of Jameson's favorite morning activity.

. . . actually went out on Halloween, and James remembered that he's no longer 20. It took a long drive home and an early wake-up call from the twins for it to really sink it, but I'm pretty sure he's got it now.

. . . hosted James's family Christmas at our house. James's mom asked, and I wasn't sure how it would work out, but we had a great time. It was nice to get to spend some time with adults since we were able to put the kids to bed then spend some time talking and playing games.

. . . James finally saw Footloose and the warehouse dancing scene. We saw Hot Rod earlier this year, and I told him he couldn't really appreciate the dancing scene in Hot Rod without having seen the original. I also told him that you can't consider yourself a movie fan if you've never seen Footloose.

I know we had a lot more going on that I could ever blog about, but these are some of the highlights. I wish I could capture every moment, and some days I wish my kids weren't growing up so fast. I can hardly believe another year has come to a close, and time just seems to keep accelerating. I remember when I was a kid a year felt like an eternity. Now, a year seems to pass me by before I get to everything I want or need to do. I'm hoping, wishing, and praying for a happy and healthy 2010 for all our friends and loved ones.

Turdtastrophe

2009-11-19T01:58:00.003-05:00

Yup, pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Good times - they went something like this

This weekend after feeding the twins lunch, Amelia tells me she's "poopy". I pull her out of the high chair and start to move her toward the floor, when I realize that she hasn't spilled juice or chocolate milk all over her pants. 'Great' I think to myself, and we head upstairs for a bath. I got her all cleaned up, and we headed downstairs thinking that was the last of the messes to clean up.

I set her down, and notice the kitchen and sunroom smell funny. I look at Truman and notice he has a toy and what appears to be poop smeared all over it. "James!" I say in disbelief, "There's poop all over the place!". James scoops up Truman and heads to the bath. I survey the damage.

In no less than 2 minutes, Truman managed to poop on the floor, smear it all over his toys, step in it, and leave about 40 poopy footprints all over our area rug. We had a showing scheduled for the house the following day, and I decided that the only way to take care of this mess quickly and decisively is to roll up the area rug and throw it out. That's exactly what we did, and even though we're down an area rug, I don't regret it one bit.

I know Truman didn't feel bad about this one. Somehow he managed to keep a clean diaper, and his pants were still on. I know he was thinking 'You guys think you're so smart with your backwards pj's. I'll show you.' He's like the poop Houdini.

Really, I'm Working

2009-10-28T13:55:00.004-04:00

So I'm sitting at my desk doing work right now, and this song from our iTunes collection comes on

It's hard to focus or take anything seriously with this type of music in the background, but these guys are funny. I have a Go To Meeting - gotta run

Other Parents' Struggles

2009-10-14T23:47:00.003-04:00

Sometimes as a parent it's reassuring to hear about other parents' struggles because you feel like at least there's other people out there who know the ups and downs of parenthood. Every parent struggles with different things, and we all have our work cut out for us. Every now and then, you hear about someone else's parenting woes, and it makes you glad that you're not in their shoes.

James told me his cousin had started a blog, and I went over there to check it out tonight. I read this story and thought it was hilarious. Sorry Tarah, I don't mean to make a mockery of your parenting struggles. I really do hope you find something that helps. In the interim, here's all I could think about while I was reading about your little sleepwalker.

My Kids Are Funny

2009-10-07T00:50:00.004-04:00

We're never at a loss for a good laugh around here with all the crazy things our kids do. I should be doing work, but I wanted to get a few of these written down, so one day they can laugh at themselves too.

Jameson
My brother came over to visit last week with his daughter. He and JJ have a playfully antagonistic relationship, so I was surprised when after an evening of their usual shenanigans Jameson asked Betito (as JJ calls him) if he could give him a kiss before he left. Betito, of course said yes, and as he bends over for a kiss, Jameson kicked him in the shins. I was just as shocked as my brother, but we could not help but laugh.

Truman
I heard Amelia crying in the twins room tonight, so I went in to check on her and see if she needed her blanket or something. I went in, put her back on her pillow and covered her again with her blanket. When she settled and went back to sleep, I look over at Truman to make sure he is okay. I laugh as I catch sight of a belly-side down, bare-butt-against-the-crib-rails naked Truman asleep and, apparently, very comfortable. He has nicely scrunched up his pj's and diaper against the crib rails. What's funnier. . . this is the 2nd night in a row that we have to re-dress him in the middle of the night.

Amelia
What amazes me about Amelia is her ability to learn and repeat new words and phrases shortly after first being introduced to them. Not long after Darwin's birth, one of her new favorite phrases was 'chocolate milk', which really sounded more like "yacolat mook". She, in particular, seemed to take interest in what I was doing when I would nurse Darwin. I don't recall exactly how I tried explaining it to them, but I had to laugh when one day as I'm nursing Darwin, Amelia comes over to see what I'm doing and knowingly declares it "yacolat mook".

I can never wait to find out what they'll do or say next to make us laugh!

Jameson Turns Four

2009-09-10T23:07:00.015-04:00

On the day you were born, I had no idea how much you would change my life.

When you become a parent, you give up a lot of things but you gain far more. As I think back now about how it feels to become a parent, I would say it's as if you have suddenly gained a part of yourself that you never knew you were missing. From that day forward, you cannot imagine living without that piece of you, and sometimes you hardly remember your life without it.

We had a doula attend Darwin's birth, and during a conversation with her, we talked about having children. She was telling me about her five girls and how they ended up with five. She told me that after they had their 3rd, her husband was ready to stop, but she really felt that she wanted another. I asked her how she convinced him to have another, and she told me how she described to him how she had already envisioned her next daughter. She told him what she was going to be like, and about how much she would miss her if she was never born.

What struck me about this conversation was how she said she would miss her yet unborn daughter. Strangely enough, I knew exactly what she meant. People ask how we have the time or energy to have/make more children, and I struggle more with 'how could I refuse them?'. Today, Jameson, you turn four, and I can say with certainty, that my life would not be complete without you.

In the years since you were born, we have watched you learn and discover so many things about life, about your Mom and Dad, your family, and about yourself. You have become a big brother 3 times over, and I know this is your proudest accomplishment. This year, you gained a "sitting buddy" and proved you were absolutely right when you told us 'Baby Bob the Boy' was in Mom's belly.

This year you started "working on your patience", and I am so proud that you're learning to eat your vegetables. You told us that you were ready for school, so you Dad started your "lessons" at home. He's doing a wonderful job, and I love seeing some of your experiments (He's been working on his photography.).

You surprise me nearly every day with everything that you know and say. Some days you are so mature and grown-up that it's hard to believe you're only 3 (four now). Other days, we have to remind ourselves since we expect so much of you.

You are so much fun that conversations with you are truly an adventure. Some days I wonder and laugh about how you must come up with your stories and explanations about how or why things happen. One of Mom and Dad's favorite is your explanation of falling in love and getting married.

There is no question you are afraid to ask, and sometimes Mom and Dad have to be careful and creative about how we answer. We believe in always telling you the truth, so when you asked how Baby Bob was going to get out of my belly, I had to pause for a moment to figure out how to answer you. Lucky for me, you were satisfied with my honest, but not too graphic answer.

In the years since you came into our crazy family, you have taught me a lot about myself. Through you and in you, I have seen my greatest strengths and weaknesses. As you grow into a boy and someday into a man, my hope is that you remain that caring, thoughtful, sensitive, beautiful person that you are. You are a wonderful son and an amazing brother. I pray for many more happy, healthy years for you and our family, and I cherish all the years we have already shared. Truman, Amelia, and Baby Bob (Darwin) are so lucky that you are their role model, and they are already learning so much from you.

We all love you, and I hope you have a happy 4th birthday!

Honest Scrap

2009-09-04T10:16:00.016-04:00

I think they only call this an award, so you feel compelled to participate. Either way, I'll be a good sport and play along. I can handle the writing portion of the assignment, but I'm pretty sure I don't even read 7 other blogs.

1) If I have any extended family in the states, then I've never met them. To my knowledge, my entire extended family lives in Mexico.

2) I nearly failed high school Pre-Calculus, and I never liked math growing up. These days I run an accounting department and, oddly enough, I like it. Even stranger, I'm pretty good at it.

3) I'm dyslexic, so learning to read and write was pretty frustrating. Learning to write was especially difficult because b's and d's and p's and q's looked like the same letters to me. With a bit of work, they got me straightened out, but I can still read upside down almost without pause. Unfortunately, I still cannot visualize things in 3 dimensions.

4) I rarely say anything because I think that is what someone wants to hear. I really struggle to tell people anything other than what I actually think. Not surprisingly, I think this quality turns a lot of people off, but I've always felt this is a part of myself I am not willing to comprise.

5) I really struggle to keep my living spaces orderly. James always likes to tell me why I struggle, but I am not convinced that I can actually attribute this quality to any one specific habit.

6) I don't like to read fiction, but I love to read non-fiction. Growing up, my favorite books to read were non-fiction books about medical conditions and cases. I could read medical encyclopedias as if they were novels. I think my kids' pediatrician probably thinks I'm a bit weird when I talk about my kids' petechiae or a swollen occipital lymph node. Not surprisingly, after years of reading medical books, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac.

7) I never believed in Santa Claus . . . or the Easter Bunny

8) I studied abroad in Madrid, Spain for a semester of my junior year in college. During our 3-week spring break, I traveled with a friend to several places in southern Europe, but one particular train ride sticks out in my memory - crossing the border from Italy to France along the French Riviera or the Cote d'Azur. Everyone should see this amazing landscape someday, and I hope one day to take all my children.

9) I've never had better tacos than at the Safari (in Mexico, of course).

10) I hate to go grocery shopping, but I like to have my kitchen fully stocked. James has taken over most of our grocery shopping lately, and despite missing some of my favorite things to eat, I am happy not to have to go to the grocery store every week.

Now, off to bed . . .

Chiquita Reunion

2009-08-20T23:01:00.000-04:00

There a large part of me that I have not written about much on the blog, but I must admit that it dominated a large part of my childhood, teenage, and college years - soccer.

To say I grew up playing soccer is an understatement. It was my first passion, and for years, I spent most of my "free" time playing soccer. When I wasn't at practice or playing a game, I was outside playing in my backyard. In my mind, I could not get enough of it, and lucky for me, I had some talent, which helped fuel my interest. I was a sucker for competition, so the better the team or the competitor, the happier I was.

My dad, who grew up playing soccer in Mexico, coached me and the teams I played with for the first 8 or 9 years. Shortly before I entered high school, I got involved in the Olympic Development Program (ODP), which is the feeder program used to identify and develop olympic hopefuls. Try-outs are held on district, state, regional, and national levels. To try-out at any level other than district, you have to make the team for the preceding level. I never really cared much about recognition, so the draw of making the cut in and of itself was not enough to keep my interest. However, I did know that I wanted to play in college, and I knew this might be a great way to get noticed for a Division I soccer program.

Up until this point, I had played for some fairly good teams in Dayton, but we never competed well against larger club teams from Cincinnati and Columbus. Overall, the talent in Dayton was just not as well-developed. At ODP tryouts, the girls that played for these larger Cincy & Columbus teams were shoe-ins. Being one of the few Dayton oddballs that made the state team several years in a row, I got to know some of the better players from the Cincinnati and Columbus areas. Although I did not realize it at the time, it was this "networking" that brought my name to the attention of a Cincinnati team, looking to recruit new players. That team was Cincinnati Chiquita (Yes, we were sponsored by Chiquita Brands International). I was invited to play an indoor season with them so we could "try each other out", and if we both agreed we were a good match, I would be invited to join the team for the regular (Spring/Summer) season.

When I joined Chiquita, I had never played for a team that was really competitive on a state-wide level. I had played with other good players, but there were always enough complacent players on the team that didn't take the sport seriously enough to make the team highly competitive. When I played for Chiquita, it was the only team where I truly felt we were all working toward the same objective, and we were willing to put forth the effort to make it happen.

In the years I played with Chiquita, we won several State Cup titles, competed in our Regional Cup twice, and had an impressive winning record. More importantly, I loved playing for this team because I didn't feel like an overachiever for working hard. We just expected it from one another, and we were successful in making each other better players.

In retrospect, I have never played for or coached a team with better team chemistry. We traveled quite a bit together to compete in tournaments, so I have a lot of great memories about our trips and our tournaments. When I graduated high school and knew our playing years together were over, I was sad to see it end.

Fast forward 12 or 13 years, and here I am with 3 little ones and one more on the way. Out of the blue, I got an email from one of my Chiquita teammates saying that she wanted to organize a team reunion. She found most of us on Facebook, and most people were available for a reunion on August 8th. We planned to bring our families and meet at a park in Cincinnati, so I organized a small babysitting support group to help me with the kids - to take them with me, that is. Unfortunately, James had a bachelor party to attend, so he was not available, which means I needed more hands than usual. My parents were happy to come along, and I invited Maria to come since she loves to hang out with the kids.

Being super pregnant, I was a little worried about how I would manage with the heat and keeping up with the kids, even with help. Nonetheless, I was anxious to see everyone, so I braved the heat and made the trip. It was, of course, the hottest day we've had all summer, and the kids were mostly high maintenance. Truman wanted to throw mulch on himself and anything else he saw. Jameson wanted to climb the 10 foot playground equipment and told me he "threw up" in an undisclosed location that I never found. He also made 2 back-to-back trips to the bathroom, and thankfully, my mom volunteered to take him on trip #2. Miss Amelia was on her best behavior but was more than ready to go when we finally decided it was time to take everyone home.

Despite all the commotion going on with the kids, I had a great time catching up with everyone. It was fun to see how everyone's lives had changed and meet husbands and children. I'm not gonna lie though - it made me feel old. Most of our soccer days are long over (although I'm sure there's a few diehards), so I felt like I was acknowledging having closed that chapter of my life. I don't think I've ever really admitted that to myself until right now, but I think I knew it long ago. Sure, I may go back to playing again in some old women's league, but I won't pretend it's anything like it was competing in my teenage and college years.

Here's a few pictures that offer a glimpse into my high school & college years competing in soccer.

Pack on about 50 lbs, some swelling in the feet and hands and a huge pregnant belly and that's what I look like in the current chapter of my life. I miss being a competitive athlete, but I would not trade in this chapter of my life for any chapter of my past. I love being a wife & mom and hanging with my kiddos. There's always time for athletic competition and vanity later. In the next chapter, I'll be training for my Tae Kwon Do black belt and taking James up on that marathon training. After all, I have done a little running in my past.

Frida Kahlo Bedtime Story

2009-07-11T00:59:00.012-04:00

Tonight before bedtime, Jameson and I read Frida by Jonah Winter. It's a children's book about the Mexican artist, Frida Kahlo. You can peek at the book at Amazon, but, if you'd rather not, you can take my word that it's a neat, creative book about this artist that Jameson always likes.

After we were finished, Jameson asked me about her, and we talked about how "painting pictures was her job", and he thought that was pretty neat, commenting that he too would like painting to be his job. I told him that with his dad's artistic genes he could probably do that, and told him I would later show him some of the pictures that Frida painted.

He likes to see the pictures that his dad puts on his blog, so I thought tomorrow I could show him some pictures on my blog. Here's a couple of pictures of Frida, and a couple of links to websites that have images of her paintings.

Mexican painter Frida Kahlo is remembered today for her personal struggle and extraordinary life story as much as for her vibrant and intimate artwork.

Frida Kahlo with Idol #11, Coyoacán, Mexico, ca. 1940

http://media.smithsonianmag.com/images/frida2.jpg

An exhibition at the National Museum for Women in the Arts (NMWA), "Frida Kahlo: Public Image, Private Life. A Selection of Photographs and Letters," examines the dichotomy between Kahlo's self-cultivated public persona and the grim realities of her life.

Frida Kahlo with Idol #11, Coyoacán, Mexico, ca. 1940
http://media.smithsonianmag.com/images/frida2.jpg

http://www.fridakahlofans.com/paintingsenglish01.htm

http://www.pbs.org/weta/fridakahlo/worksofart/index.html

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T22:24:00.003-04:00

As James's first Father's Day as a stay-at-home dad, I must admit that this Father's Day will stick in my memory as a pivotal point in our family's history. Thinking back to several months ago when we made the decision to have James stay at home with kids, I was a bit uneasy that maybe we had made a decision that he would later feel he had been pressured into making. We agreed we would keep an open mind and we would re-evaluate our decision if we needed to in six months. We knew we were making a big decision for our family, and we hoped it was the right one.

Well into James's first month at home with the kids, I cannot imagine doing a better job myself or our kids being any luckier than to get to stay home with their dad. Sadly, I have been working longer hours in June due to our system implementation, so my evenings with the kids have been short. On the other hand, I get a great sense of relief in knowing that they are with their dad. James is also kind enough to document their days at home with plenty of pictures and blog posts.

Any honest parent knows that both fathers and mothers play such an important role in child development. This year, James has done more than his half of the work, and I know our children are better for it. He is a patient teacher and disciplinarian. He knows how to engage and distract them. He is confident, loving, and nurturing. I could go on, but I already know that I am blessed. More importantly, my children could not have a better father.

Happy Father's Day, James, and to any of you fathers out there making a difference in your kids' lives.

Throwing Truman

2009-06-20T23:58:00.002-04:00

I finally decided to do something with some of the videos from my camera that I had been keeping on disc for several months. This one dates back to January of this year, and we happened upon Truman's funny leg reflex when James was throwing him up in the air one day.

Endangered Insanity

2009-06-20T22:07:00.003-04:00

No, insanity is not endangered, but sometimes I think common sense is. I rarely post anything political on my blog, but I heard about this issue and I could not help myself.

I graduated college with a degree in Environmental Geography, so I heard a lot about endangered species and environmental issues back in the day. Interestingly so, I came out of school as less of an environmentalist than I went in. I think at some point, I just took a step back and really began to think critically about these issues.

I am not against protecting endangered species when it's within reason, but the reality is that something like 99% of all species that have ever existed have gone extinct. I think bigger picture here is way more important than giving a minnow a few more years on the 'saved for now, but going extinct later' list.

Racing to September

2009-05-29T01:36:00.003-04:00

It's official: James will no longer have a paid job after tomorrow.

I would say he will not be working after tomorrow, but I know that is not true. In fact, I am afraid he will be working even more. He just won't get a paycheck for it. Many months ago, when we found out we were expecting #4, we knew we had to do something. We had a lot to consider when we were working through the details of 'what are we going to do?', but ultimately, the decision was simple - James needed to stay home with the kids.

We made this decision back in February, and we really have not looked back. I give him a lot of credit because I know a lot of men would not be willing or capable of successfully staying home with their kids full-time. Despite my confidence in his abilities, I am a little nervous about how we will all handle the change. We are keeping an open mind, so we will see how it goes for us.

As James's workload (professional workload, that is) is ramping down, mine is ramping WAY up. For the past 2 years or so, we have been evaluating financial and project management software with a plan to transition as soon as we found a solution that could meet our demands. Well, we found one, and guess who gets to implement it? That's right. I have known about this for a long time, but I guess I never thought I would be expecting a baby when it came time to do the implementation.

If you've worked in a business environment and been through a major software change, then you might know how involved the process can be. Most implementations of the type we are doing average 6 to 9 months from purchase to 'go live', and we must do it in four (including the one month that's already passed). The good news is that I'm pretty good with data manipulation, conversion, and managing change. The bad news is that I have no flexibility on our target implementation date. So far, I am on target, but I will be counting on James BIG TIME to help me meet deadlines.

I know he'll pull through for me. He always has. He is the reliable one in this marriage, so I am glad our kids will have him full-time. Wish us luck though, 'cause I think we're going to need it.

Good Enough Mother

2009-05-03T22:31:00.005-04:00

Some days, no matter how hard you try to get the day back on track, you just end up feeling like a complete failure for one or many reasons. For me, today, was one of those days.

Of course, I am pregnant and emotional, but I am sitting in bed writing this post with the feeling that today I was just not a good enough mother. In fact, the overwhelming feeling I had at the end of the day was wondering if I was ever a really good mother. Lately, I seem to be thinking about this an awful lot, and I don't always like my own answer.

Although today seemed uneventful, by the end of the day, the little struggles of the day and my response to them left me with lingering feelings of inadequacy - 'Was I too harsh? Was I unreasonable? Where did I go wrong? Have I done everything I can? Why won't he cooperate? Why does it make me so mad (then sad)?'. By the end of the day, all I wanted to do was cry.

I thought posting would have a cathartic effect, and it has, but I am still struggling with how I move past this feeling. The answer for me here is to see what I can do that makes me feel like a better parent. It seems I've made myself this promise time and time again, but I always struggle when it's time to make good on it. I see these 3 little faces, and I want to be the best parent I can be, so why do I keep falling on my face?

Tomorrow, I will try again, but I swear if they turn out to be confident, well-adjusted adults, I will not take even half the credit. I love being a mom, but these are the hardest days I have lived.

No Time

2009-04-09T03:55:00.004-04:00

If you can believe it, I just finished up some work. Although working late at night has been rare while I've been pregnant, I used to be up at least one night a week until the wee hours working on some spreadsheet or another. The strange part is that I don't hate it. I will, however, hate getting up in a few hours.

I have been wanting to post an update of the kids since that's why I started this blog after all, but between, work, pregnancy, and the kids I don't know how anyone can find the time.

Without selling them too short, let me try to get this done in 5 minutes.

Jameson manages to make James and I laugh about something he does or says every day. He is full of words, and he says a lot of unexpected things. When I went to pick him up from school today, I looked in and saw him talking to one of the little girls, very involved in whatever he was telling her. Later tonight when I was giving him his bedtime snack, I asked him what he was talking to her about. He responds without diverting his attention from his cartoon, "I told her how I went swimming and drowned.". That was it - no more explanation. I laughed at his unexpected response, but I'm not sure why I was surprised. He is a lot of fun, and I love to see how he is a bit of his dad and a bit of me - makes for a funny combination.

Miss Amelia is Jameson-in-training. Interestingly, she is also full of words, although many of them incomprehensible at this point. Every morning she wakes up with usual call, "Dada, Dada, Dadaaaaa", and I think it helps James get out of bed when I tell him it's time to get up and get the babies. She is saying a handful of words, but she is great with communicating with hand signals and looks. She has a really expressive face, and she demands a lot of attention. I know I am going to have my hands full with this one, but the good thing is that she is going to tell me what she needs early. She is very affectionate, especially with her brothers and loves to give hugs and kisses.

Truman is developing a stronger personality lately, throwing fits when you try to feed him as he insists on feeding himself. He doesn't try to talk as much as Amelia, but he does have his own way of communicating. One day, we will have to record some of his "talk" since it's nothing like how Jameson and Amelia (so far) started to communicate. He is very sweet, loving, and ridiculously strong. He has been climbing everything in sight for months. I can barely carry him since he knows exactly how to twist his body when he wants to be put down. Considering that his head probably weights a good 5 lbs., he's not exactly easy to control. He is very mechanically-inclined that my dad might just get that engineer he's hope to get. He loves books, and he will study them for a long time, but he loves food and naptime even more. His temperament is like his dad's, which is both a good and bad thing. He is so laid-back most of the time, but he will, rarely, have an unexpected outburst for some unknown reason. Then I'm stuck trying to figure out if he's sick, or if he's just angry or frustrated. It's hard to tell since he doesn't do it very often.

I have a handful of pictures/videos from this weekend that I will sift through and post over the weekend, but we are having lots of fun with our kiddos. They are exhausting, and many days I think I may lose my mind. Those moments always pass though, and somehow it's so much easier to remember the good moments. It's easily been more than 10 minutes now, so I better get some sleep if I'm actually going to show up at work tomorrow.

Warning: Read at Your Own Risk

2009-03-21T20:28:00.004-04:00

I have been putting off blogging for some time because I have been in kind of a dark place for the last couple of months. I hate to bog other people down with this topic, but I am finally getting it out, so consider yourself warned. I'm not talking about the usual stuff - stress of motherhood, pregnancy ups-n-downs, housework - but every now and then the thought of death seems to linger in the back of my mind. I'm not just talking specifically about my death (although that has been part of it), but death, in general, has been clouding my mind for several weeks.

Death touches everyone's life in different ways, and we all handle it differently. Some people choose not to think about it. Some have an unhealthy obsession with it. I, like most people probably, am somewhere in the middle, probably leaning toward the latter. I know that my perspective on death has been affected by my experience with it, but going back as far as I can remember I have always gone through these periods on and off of thinking about death.

I have always been fascinated by true crime stories (books & tv shows), so I'm sure that reading this stuff has not helped fill my mind with happier thoughts. Well, recently, I picked up a copy of the book For Laci by Sharon Rocha (her mother). Some of you probably remember the story of Laci Peterson, the pregnant woman that was killed by her husband, Scott Peterson, when she was 8 months pregnant. Well, back when she was still considered a missing person, I, like many others, followed the case with interest. When I came across the book in the bookstore, I felt compelled to read it, not because it was just true crime but because it was written by her mother. I wanted to know what it must be like to be the parent of a missing person. Of course, I knew it must be horrible, but, for my own reasons, I wanted to hear it from her. I finished the book in 4 days, which is record pace for me these days.

For some time now, I have taken a special interest in missing person cases. My family, like everyone else's, has had its fair share of tragedy, specifically my mom's side. More than 15 years ago, my aunt (mom's sister) "went missing" on Christmas Eve. The case remains unsolved. All of the evidence gathered at the time the case was most active pointed to her husband being the most likely suspect, as noted by the lead detective at the time. No body was ever found, so the police held off on charging him because they wanted to build a stronger case, and the body, they felt, was critical to a conviction. I should note here that my entire extended family lives in Mexico, which if you know anything about law enforcement there, has been traditionally corrupt and easily infiltrated by criminals. Not surprisingly, her husband worked for the ruling political party at the time, the PRI, so I am certain he had important friends willing to help him get away with murder. In the years following her disappearance, her entire case file "went missing". Other than evidence verbally relayed to my grandparents, we know very little about her disappearance. My grandmother died three years ago, and all of my family members seem to think she died thinking (likely hoping) that her daughter was still alive.

From the day my aunt disappeared, my grandmother was forever changed. I never quite understood how she could believe my aunt was still alive after all this time. For Laci did shed some light on all of this.

Sadly, my aunt would not be the last child my grandmother (or her family) would lose in her lifetime. Years later, my uncle, was murdered while some low-life criminals tried to steal his car with his son inside. Luckily, my cousin escaped unharmed, but my uncle was murdered while attempting to protect his son. If my aunt's death had not already broken her spirit, then this certainly did. In the years that followed while my grandmother was still alive, the memory of my aunt and uncle clouded the happiness we shared at family gatherings.

We were all sad, but we knew that life had to go on. We knew it was okay to be sad, but everyone else went on with life in their own way, including my grandfather. I think my grandmother's life remained forever in those moments. I really believe she never lived a moment since their loss without this horrible sense of emptiness. I pray she has more peace now than in the last years of her life.

Of course, while reading For Laci, I thought a lot about my family, and it's tough to escape the thought of death when I think about my family.

Then, of course, there's the pregnancy thing. Every time I get pregnant, I can't help but to remind myself that women still die during pregnancy or while giving birth. Yes, people die doing all sorts of things. I guess I just think about it because it's something I have chosen, and my children are still young. Once you have kids, your perspective on dying focuses on what would happen to your children if something happened to you. To mitigate my risk, I try to keep an eye out for anything unusual during pregnancy, and I make sure I trust my doctor with my life. Luckily, I do.

Nonetheless, I know the unexpected can always happen, and I was reminded of this a couple of weeks ago. I found out that someone I knew in grade school and considered a friend at the time had died. Interestingly, she was my age, and nine months pregnant. The baby lived, and she has 2 young, surviving children. My heart goes out to her family, but this one really hit home. Here I am, 4 months pregnant, going through one of my "death periods", and a pregnant woman I knew as a child dies. Suffice it to say, if I was on my way out of this funk, this news just delayed my return.

I know my pregnancy hormones are a large contributor to my mood lately, so hopefully, I am turning a corner. I have so many things to be thankful for, and I try to remember that every day. We can't, after all, count on anything but the present. Yet, I know my children need me and their dad, and I need them probably more. I just pray that we're both around long enough for them to grow up, maybe see some grandchildren, and I pray even harder that I never have to live through the tragedies of my grandmother's life.

Cutting the Cord

2009-02-25T22:36:00.003-05:00

I am guilty of babying my kids. I figure they will only be babies once in their lives, so it's my one chance. I love to see them growing up, but I'm not anxious to see their time as babies end. Well, despite my efforts to slow him down, my biggest baby is getting more independent every day. At his request, we are trying another sleepover at grandma's tonight. Other than when the twins were born (when it was required), he has asked two other times to stay the night at my mom's house without either me or James also staying. Both times, I have had my parents give up and bring him back home by 2 a.m. It has been months since the last time he tried, so we have yet to see if he will be successful this time.

Tonight, he's with his grandma Claire on the promise of late night movies, waffles for breakfast, and a return trip home tomorrow. We had a showing on our house tonight, so we went over to James's parents' house to kill some time. We figured we would be returning around bedtime, so we got everyone ready before we left. Just before we were ready to leave, Jameson decided that he wanted to stay and watch movies instead of going home and going to bed (go figure). I tried to make sure he knew it meant he would be there without mom and dad, and we didn't want anyone to have to bring him home in the middle of the night. I'm still a little nervous, but I hope he makes it.

As much as I cherish him as my "baby", I also want to see him grow up to be confident and independent. I will miss not waking up to him tomorrow morning asking me to take him downstairs and get his chocolate milk, and he's only gone for one night. I can't imagine what I'm going to feel like when he tells me he want to go away to college.

Can't Catch a Break

2009-02-10T10:09:00.004-05:00

Truman is sick AGAIN. He started at the end of last week with a cough and some congestion. He continued this week with fever and vomiting. I am honestly at my wits end with viruses this season. The other two seem to have some congestion, but Truman seems to be the only one with vomiting. Hopefully, it's not a sign of what's to come for the other two. I'm not sure how much more I can take of all of this.

Well, James was nice enough to announce to all his Facebook friends that we're expecting our 4th, so I thought I might as well break my silence too. I'm about 10 weeks in, and it probably explains a lot about my stressed out, impatient mood lately. I am not one of those giddy, 'I feel great' pregnant people. In fact, I am probably the complete opposite. I am in a foul mood, and I lose any semblance of patience I might ordinarily have. It's not pretty, but I'm not quite sure what to do about it. The only thing that seems to help is having some time to myself and lots of sleep.

I'm looking back at the title of this post, and realize how it probably sounds. I think it's obvious I'm talking about the sick kids. Although we had planned to wait a bit for another baby, we are happy to welcome him/her early. We might go insane for a while, but somehow we will make it work. Now, if we could just keep them healthy. . .

So Christmas Was a Month Ago. . .

2009-01-26T21:55:00.003-05:00

Yeah, whatever! I meant to post some Christmas videos of the kids back at the end of December, but it never happened. Here's a fun one of the twins playing with their only real present from us.

Healthy For the Moment

2009-01-26T21:35:00.005-05:00

I feel like I've been on a nursing sick kids to healthy marathon. Thankfully, they are all better, for the moment, at least. Seriously, what a pain!!! In four days, Jameson had almost an entire container of Children's Motrin. I'm not one to medicate quickly, but 24/7 fever is unbearable. It's really strange too how when he's running a fever, he seems to have stronger responses to his dreams. Anyone else seen this in their kids? If I sat outside his room when his fever was returning, I could hear all the nonsensical things he was saying. It was cute, but I felt bad for him.

Truman kicked off this virus round with 4 nights of the worst sleep I have ever gotten. I think on the last night, we just gave up and let me scream his head off for a couple of hours. This is not normally our style, but we were both deliriously tired. I was cursing everything in mind and sight a couple of those nights.

Amelia was, as usual, our good sleeper despite her fever. She got the least amount of Motrin and did the least amount of complaining. I guess that just goes to show you that men are wimps when it comes to illness. Then again, I didn't need my daughter as evidence to confirm that men are the weaker sex. Sorry, guys, you have your strengths, but toughing it out is not one of them.

I am now cringing at the thought of sending Jameson to the virus cesspool that is daycare tomorrow. He doesn't go every day, but I know every day that he goes is another day he is likely to pick something up from some other snot-nosed 3 year old. Well, wish us luck that the rest of the cold and flu season is, at least, tolerable.

Too Sick For Blogging

2009-01-23T05:14:00.004-05:00

I've been meaning to blog all week, but we've had our hands more than full with sick kids. I finally seem to have found a few moments of peace before the next kid needs his/her dose of ibuprofen.

Truman kicked off the week with high fever in the middle of the night and continued for about 3 days. He is a bear at night when he's sick, so nobody got any sleep. Amelia followed him a few days later with the same symptoms, and continues with her fever. Jameson just started with fever yesterday, so he is eager for the "purple medicine" every 6 hours. Not to be outdone, Truman suddenly broke out in hives last night, so all eyes were on him again last night.

It's no fun with a whole house full of sick kids, but it's one of the ugly necessities of parenting. Congratulations, Jim & Liz! Enjoy the "honeymoon" of parenting.

Work For It, Damn It!

2009-01-05T23:52:00.017-05:00

Driving home from work yesterday, I saw a truck for a rent-to-own furniture store, and on the side was written, 'because everyone deserves nice things'. At the time, I didn't give it much thought other than noting that companies with mottos like that are just what our entitlement culture needs.

The thought came back to me tonight while doing dishes because I had read a blog earlier about socializing health care. I thought, 'Is there no limit to what we expect the government to provide for us?' What is the lesson here for my children (since this is a blog about family)? Something like 'Hey, don't worry about working hard because the government is going to take care of you'. I don't subscribe to this idea, and I want to raise children that believe in the power of freedom and self-reliance.

As I thought some more, while loading and unloading the dishwasher for the 2nd time today, the movie The Pursuit of Happyness came to mind because I remembered something that had really struck me when I watched it. I remember that Will Smith's character (Chris Gardner), during one of his struggles between poverty and homelessness thinks of Thomas Jefferson. According to the IMDB, the dialogue goes like this:

It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?

At his wits' end, Will Smith's character begins to doubt he will ever find happiness. What I love about the movie - he perseveres! Despite all the difficulties he has faced, he doesn't just give up and expect the government to take care of him, instead, he uses his unhappiness with his current situation as motivation to work his way out of it. I know, it's just a movie, but if you listen to the real Chris Gardner on YouTube, his life was, in fact, worse than the movie portrayed.

Having the freedom to pursue happiness - that is truly freedom. Our freedom and entrepreneurial spirit is part of what makes me feel blessed that I get to raise my children in this country. I hope they will never think they deserve something because others have it. I want them to grow up firmly believing they are masters of their own destiny.

Blogcation

2008-12-31T22:57:00.004-05:00

Okay, so it's been a while since I last posted. It was all too much, but I finally feel ready to write again. It's been an eventful month with the kids: Amelia walks, Truman is starting, we've all been sick, we had a great Christmas . . .

I was over committed on my Christmas projects, so something had to go. I'd apologize to my readers if I had any left, but I guess I really owe my apology to my kids since this is the closest I will ever come to a journal. Oddly, I think I discovered tonight why I don't keep a journal and have never felt compelled to keep one.

When I think about keeping a journal or a diary, I think of it as a place to record thoughts that I might not share with others. On our way home from a short night out tonight, James and I were talking about some of the conversations we had with other people and a thought occurred to me - I'm an open book. There's not much I won't tell people (if they want to know) about myself - even people I've just met. I never really gave it much thought until my brother made a comment once about my blog and the idea of revealing personal stories and thoughts for anyone to see. The idea of sharing his personal thoughts and life events with just anyone was a strange idea to him.

I guess the way I see it is that I've got nothing to hide. Read if you care. Don't read if you don't care or if you're bored. We're all human and experience many of the same things to some degree. Why would I keep everything to myself when it's so much more fun to share those experiences with others when I can? Why keep a diary when I can share my thoughts with others?

Happy New Year!

Not Ready For This

2008-11-16T00:50:00.007-05:00

Last night while getting Jameson to bed, he told me, "Mom, I don't wanna die.". My heart broke a little, and I didn't really know what to say. He continued with the following questions:

Am I going to die?

Why do I have to die?

Will the man that made me make me better so I can come back?

Are you going to die?

Is Dad going to die?

Who is going to be my Mom and Dad if you die?

Bombarded with these questions, I didn't really know how to answer. I didn't want to lie to him, but I didn't want to scare him either. I did my best to reassure him, but he just wanted to hear me say that none of us would die. I couldn't do that, so he started crying in the middle of his questioning because I think he sensed my inability to fully reassure him.

"Yes, we're going to die, but hopefully not for a long time. Honey, I can't promise you that I'm not going to die, but hopefully Momma will be around until you're a big man and you have your own kids. I'm sorry I don't know all the answers to your questions, but no one really knows." I felt myself sinking. He persisted, and I couldn't help but cry as I empathized with his sadness and fear. I called James in the room, and I'm not sure he did any better.

Wow, I was not prepared for these questions or these emotions yet. He's only 3, and I guess I didn't think the fear of death would enter his mind until he was a lot older. I was wrong. Tonight, he told me he didn't want to die because he was scared. This time he was much calmer, and he let it go after I tried my best to tell him it was okay to be scared. I told him I thought we're all a little scared, but we should live our lives to enjoy our life, not to waste it worrying about something we can't change. He seemed somewhat satisfied with that response although I'm sure it's not the last I will hear of it.

With all this talk of death, I couldn't help but think about my own worries. What if one or both of us does die? Who will be their "mom & dad" if we both do? What if my children don't get to know their parents? Or worse, I can't even bear to think about other scenarios. I think it would be great if I would just take my own advice. I've said my prayers, so I guess I have no choice but to leave this in God's hands. Now, I'm just praying for all the right answers.

Always Up For a Good Fight

2008-11-12T00:38:00.004-05:00

On Saturday, I'm scheduled to compete in a Tae Kwon Do tournament against a bunch of other "old" ladies, and I've been doing mental prep all week. You see, I don't take competition lightly. In fact, anyone that knows me will tell you that I play to win.

Whoever said that 'winning isn't important' I think probably spent a lot of time losing. I refuse to teach my children that learning is the most important lesson learned in competition. It's not. Sure, it's important to learn from both our failures and our successes, but, when it comes to competition, winning is success. That said, my goal this weekend is to sweep all three events: forms, breaking, & sparring.

Earlier this year, I competed in another TKD tournament, but I only competed in two events: breaking and sparring. I won both then, so I figure I should have a good shot at winning all three this time around. I'm entering this tournament as a senior blue belt, which means I could compete with green, blue, brown, or red belt competitors. As a competitor in the Senior Women's Division, I figure I have 2 things going for me: speed and power. I also have 2 things working against me: height and a bum left knee.

I am lucky to be on the young end of my age group since most women over 30 have lost a bit of speed. I spent a little time watching real sparring on youtube to pick up some pointers. Most people tend to stand there when the center judge tells you to start fighting, so my strategy has been to be explosive from the beginning. I figure the fight is over if I can get 3 quick points in before my opponent is really even ready (rule: first to 3 points or 2 minute fight). I won last tournament with this strategy, so I'll let you know if it serves me well.

Here's some real fighters in case you're curious what it's like.

Fall Fun

2008-10-31T01:58:00.013-04:00

I love the Fall - the weather, the colors, the trees, the memories . . .

Here's some of our memories from this fall that seems to be racing into winter.

Don't call us outdoorsy or anything, but here we are on our now annual walk at Caesar's Creek.

Truman gets a tooth . . . finally

The twins enjoying some time on the swings with Grandma after mom's birthday breakfast.

Jameson feeds the ducks for the first time.

Amelia having a ball here on the swings.

Here we are at the neighborhood pumpkin patch letting Jameson pick out his pumpkin.

James takes his pumpkin carving very seriously.

One of Jameson's favorite things to do is pretend he's "the dada". Here he is with my dad, and Jameson is treating him like his kid. He's told him here that he needs to go to swimming lessons and is demonstrating proper kicking technique. My dad is always happy to play along.

Here is my dad holding his nose, as Jameson has instructed, while he pretends to go underwater.

I'm not sure what the shirt is for on his head, but Jameson did make sure "his kid" had the proper swim attire. Notice the swim trucks on my dad's feet.

The escape artist here showing off her skills.

I'm not sure what set him off, but for a few weeks, Jameson was obsessed with the idea of "hatching babies". I think he thought all new babies "hatched" because he would run around pretending he had just hatched a little baby JJ. Here he is using Halloween candy bowls to pretend he is "in his egg".

With This Ring

2008-10-09T00:18:00.016-04:00

Four years ago, I made a promise. It went something like this.

In the name of God, I, Julie, take you, James, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

The last sentence here really strikes me. THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW. Sometimes I wonder if people really think about what they're doing when they commit to spending the rest of their lives with someone. The idea that about half of all couples married in the U.S., at some point, decide to call it quits is, in fact, solemn.

Someone I know (who shall remain nameless) finalized her divorce yesterday. She was married for 13 years in a loveless, abusive, unhappy marriage, and finally decided to give him that divorce he wanted. Two other friends (who will also remain nameless), who sadly have young children, are facing the possibility of divorce - one largely due to financial disputes, the other due largely to bad decision-making. I know marriage is tough, but isn't it worth fighting for? Sometimes, as in the first case I mention here, divorce seems like the only option. Often, I think people just give up because it gets too hard.

Out of curiousity, I went looking for some divorce statistics. Here is what I found - Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 1996 . Just read the first page.

Considering the sad state of marriage in our country, I decided that we're doing our part. I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is provide them with a stable, loving home where they have parents who, not only love them, but love each other. Well, we're not perfect, but we're doing our best to bring out the best in one another.

Today, James and I celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary, and I continue to be thankful and feel truly blessed that I get to spend my life with such an amazing person. We have our good days and our bad ones, but the good days make it easy to forget the bad. Parenthood really adds a new dynamic to marriage, and I love to be reminded of all the reasons I chose James - like when I watch him playing with our children.

Brace yourself, James, because I'm about to do something you say (when you're mad) I never do: give you a lot of credit. You are a wonderful, and extremely capable father and husband. I don't know many dads that take all 3 of their kids under the age of 3 out shopping by themselves or volunteer to watch them so their wives can get some time away from the house. I love that Jameson told you that "You took good care of me and babies, Dad." because he's absolutely right. In many ways, you are far more capable than I am as a parent.

I cannot think of a better way to spend my life and raise a family than with such a capable partner. Somehow you always know when I need you to jump in and rescue me from myself. I think our kids know it too. Last night was a perfect example. After a late-night, making my much-delayed iPhoto calendar, I was in no state of mind to stay up all night with Jameson. You sent me to bed and somehow still managed to comfort him all night. Even better, you stayed home with him so I could get some work done. Your children are as lucky to have you as I am.

No matter what the statistics say, I plan to keep my promise. This is my solemn vow.

Happy Anniversary!(btw - don't tell me I never give you any credit.)

Sweet Dreams Jameson

2008-10-05T00:02:00.005-04:00

Every night is a different adventure to get Jameson to sleep. Just in this last week, I introduced him to Eva Cassidy. I know, not really manly, but it's effective at bedtime. Songbird seems to do the trick every time.

For those of you that don't know Eva Cassidy, have a listen. She has a great voice, and her story is quite interesting.

Three Lovely Years

2008-09-21T00:16:00.004-04:00

In the last three years since God blessed us with your birth, you have changed our lives in ways I never imagined. As you grow another year closer to becoming a man, I want to tell you about the happiness you have brought to our lives.

When I first found out I was pregnant with you, I was completely shocked. We knew you were coming, but we never expected you so soon. I remember being thankful that I would get to be a mother. In the months that followed, my body changed, as did the amount of sleep I got. Nonetheless, as most parents will tell you, pregnancy does not prepare you in any way for parenthood, with the possible exception of all that sleep deprivation. I had no idea how much you were missing in our lives.

As the weeks passed, and the realization that you would be born soon became more palpable as you grew, I already knew that I loved you more than I had ever loved myself. I dreaded going to my appointments and having that bit of doubt enter my mind that I might not hear your heart beat. I remember breathing a little easier every time that I did. I will never forget the first time I saw you on the ultrasound. I couldn't believe I was seeing the baby I would be holding in about 7 months. Here you are at about 10 weeks - just a little bean with heartbeat.

I struggled through your pregnancy a bit at the end, and you kept surprising me right up until the end. You were due on October 9, 2005 (our 1st wedding anniversary), so when September rolled around, I thought I had a few weeks to pack. Much to my surprise, you showed up 3 weeks early on September 21st.

When we brought you home, I was so overwhelmed with the idea of being completely responsible for you, but thankfully, Dad came to the rescue and reassured me that we would be fine. I remember we were completely unprepared, so your dad had to make a run to Target for some baby essentials. After a few weeks, I settled into motherhood, and I began to feel comfortable that I knew what I was doing.

In these early months, I watched you sleep all the time, and I thanked God for blessing us with you. I wanted to hold you all the time, and despite others' warnings, I let you sleep in mom & dad's bed so I could have you close to me all night. Although we had a hard time getting you to sleep on your own, I will never regret (and I often miss) putting you in our bed. I am thoroughly convinced that co-sleeping is one of the great joys of life. I am happy to have shared that time with you.

As the months passed and you began to crawl and walk and talk, I only became more enamored of you. With each day that passed, I was more certain that there is no greater purpose in life than to have a family and love it. I still struggle with my patience, but my love for you is unwavering.

From day one, you were a very social baby. You were anxious to start talking so your voice could be heard. 'Mom' was your first word, and oddly, 'backpack' (Dora the Explorer) followed not far behind. Once you learned your first couple words, there was no stopping you. Early on, you would get frustrated when I couldn't understand EXACTLY what you were trying to tell me. Now you've learned how to rephrase or explain what you're trying to tell me when I don't understand. My conversations with you are always an adventure because you can always make me laugh.

You started off as a great eater, but at about 18 months we hit a road block. Suddenly, you wanted to exercise your independence, so mealtime became a real challenge. Unfortunately, you have your dad's appetite, so I always think you should be eating more, and he always thinks you're fine. He may be right, but if I didn't worry about what you eat, who would?

Consider yourself a well-traveled baby. In your three years, you traveled to Mexico City, Lake Tahoe (NV), Orlando (FL), New York City, and Scottsdale (AZ). Soon, you can add Las Vegas to the list. You're a great traveler, and we look forward to many more family trips with you and the twins. Here you are showing off one of your souvenirs.

I make a point to tell you 'I love you' every day, and these words never lose their meaning. You like to tell me you "love me too, too much", and these moments I especially cherish. I love how much you love your love your babies and how you always tell me how "that Maya is a funny girl". I love to watch them squeal with delight when they see you and how you can always make them laugh. I love that you want to read them bedtime stories, and you always want to help me cover them. You are such a good big brother, and I am so happy that mom and dad were able to give you the gift of family.

So here I am with this day upon us. You're turning three, and I couldn't help getting choked up while looking at pictures of your first three years of life. In many ways, you're still a baby, but I
know today marks another year gone, alive now only in our memories. Though I cannot help but mourn its passing (just a tiny bit), I'm overjoyed to have lived it with you.

But today is no different in that I will pray that God keeps you and your babies happy and healthy. For every day I get to share with you, I consider myself blessed. I hope that when you are old enough to reflect on your own life that you will remember being loved and happy. I wish happiness and freedom above all other things for you. I want you to find your own way but know that you can always lean on mom and dad.

You are loud, opinionated, stubborn, warm, kind, affectionate, intelligent, sensitive, impulsive, hyperactive, verbose, and a thousand other things. I love every bit of you.

Happy Birthday, Jameson! Thank you for three wonderful years.

Live Within Your Means

2008-09-12T23:49:00.005-04:00

I think if everyone lived within their means. . .
. . . no one would default on their mortgage
. . . no one would have bad credit
. . . no one would need a government bail-out
. . . no one would vote for Barack Obama (cool your jets Obamaites - j/k)
. . . no one would listen to Clark Howard
. . . and no one would walk out their backdoor and fall into their pool?

Unfortunately, this poor fool is our neighbor. Getting a pool to dress up your ugly, cheap house probably sounded like a really good idea . . . at first.

Jameson Makes a Discovery

2008-09-05T04:35:00.006-04:00

I was walking upstairs to take a short video of the babies before bedtime, and Jameson interrupts me with a discovery.

FYI - "peepees" is slang in Spanish for, in this case, toe jam.

Two Spills In Two Days

2008-08-18T22:15:00.005-04:00

Babies are asleep, so I've gone kind of blog crazy. Jameson has had a rough couple of days though, so I thought we might want to remember them.

Yesterday, my mom, Jameson, and I went to Sam's to get a few things. After we checked out, we stopped by their food area to get something to eat. At this particular Sam's they have the all-in-one table and bench combination where you're not really sure where the table ends and the bench begins. Anyway, they don't have backs. I think this was the first time Jameson sat in one of these. I picked him up, set him in the seat, and no sooner had I set him down and he was already leaning back and losing his balance.

I realized he was falling too late, but I managed to break his fall by grabbing his shirt. Nonetheless, he continued to fall head first toward the ground. I heard his head bonk against the concrete floor, and I picked him up right away. I was scared because it's a hard floor, and he was crying relatively hard. I took him to the bathroom to compose him, and he seemed okay within a couple of minutes. I could already feel the goose egg he was developing. He didn't show any signs of concussion or any other head trauma, so we headed home and I kept an eye on him. He seemed okay the rest of the night, and I was glad I was able to catch him at least enough to break his fall.

He still has his goose egg.

As if one spill was not enough, earlier today I was carrying up Truman after he had fallen asleep in his high chair. I told Jameson I would be right back. When I walked out of the twins' room, I realize that Jameson is at the top of the stairs waiting for me. I tell him to head back downstairs carefully. He turns abruptly, and loses his balance. He tumbles a couple of stairs. I don't panic at first because he seems to regain his balance. But as he tries to continue downstairs, he tumbles down another couple of stairs. Now, I start to panic.

I feel myself frozen, not sure what to do as I watch him tumbling down the stairs. He is falling slowly, and I don't know if I should try to catch him before he hits the ground. I am kind of afraid to stumble after or on top of him and make it worse. At this point, he is close to the bottom, and he has continued to stumble down slowly. Unfortunately, his tumbling accelerates on the last four stairs, and he lands with a thud, luckily not on his head, but on his side.

I race downstairs to pick him up and check for injuries. He seems okay and is more scared than injured. My heart is racing, and again, I find myself thanking God it wasn't more serious.

Two days, two falls, but apparently, no worse for the wear . . . somehow, somewhere, someone is watching over him when I cannot - or fail in doing so.

Truman's First Volley

2008-08-18T18:16:00.005-04:00

I come from a soccer family. My brother played for a top Division 3 university and coached at the university level. I played D1 soccer and grew up playing club soccer and olympic development soccer. My sister, like me, played all her life and choose not to continue playing the university level, despite her ability. My father played for the amateur selection for the Mexican National Team before he moved to the states. For many years, we talked mostly about soccer. I do not hold out any aspirations for my kids to be soccer players, but I certainly will not oppose it. My brother and father, on the other hand, I think can't wait until my kids are old enough to get them started.

Here is Truman's first volley. He seems to be enjoying it.

Six Belts Down, Six To Go

2008-08-16T19:06:00.003-04:00

I tested for my blue belt on Friday, and I am still sore from the test (and practice the day before). I passed the test, so that leaves me with 6 belt tests to get my black belt. However, because testing periods after your blue belt are 4 to 6 months apart, it will probably take me about 2 years, depending on my progress.

I'm having a great time doing Tae Kwon Do. Not since my soccer days had I felt truly athletically challenged and motivated to continue with something. When I played soccer I considered myself a technique specialist. By that I mean that I relied, above all else, on my technique. I'm only 4'11", so I obviously could not rely on my size. Instead, I focused on making sure I mastered every technique and was quicker than most opponents.

Fortunately, Tae Kwon Do is all about technique and quickness. So far, I have been able to keep up with my belt requirements with no additional practice time or exercise time. Unfortunately, I think this honeymoon period is coming to an end. As you might expect, testing requirements for belts increase as you move up, that includes physical fitness. Compared to my fitness level 6 months ago, I am much more fit. Yet, compared to where I need to be, I have a ways to go.

James has been great about making himself available so I can get to class, but it's about to get harder. I started preparing him the other day when I mentioned that I will have to go to more classes and for longer periods when I'm training for my black belt. He said it was fine as long as I afforded him the same liberty. I'm holding out hope that Jameson will be able to focus for a whole class soon, so I can just take him with me. Well, that's still a long way off.

I'll keep you posted on my progress. Sorry, no pictures this time.

Do You Like To Read?

2008-08-13T22:57:00.002-04:00

Just a quick post to share a website that I learned about from a Kim Komando newsletter. If you like to read, go to openlibrary.org. The goal of this project is to create a webpage for every book, many books are available to read online. If you like to read, check it out!

Oh yeah, the Kim Komando newsletter is also pretty nice. If you're a computer or internet junkie, it's a must.

Laundry Is Done . . . kinda

2008-08-13T01:06:00.010-04:00

It's been a while since my last post, but if you notice the time this is when I have "time" to write. Everyone is in bed, and the piles of clean, unfolded laundry were taunting me. They're now folded, and I promised myself I wouldn't post unless I got the laundry folded first. I'm not really done though because there's about 3 "dirty" piles still waiting for me to get to them. Oh well, they will wait another day.

Don't worry this post is NOT about laundry, but it was on my mind when I started writing.

This post is about Jameson. I have been meaning to write for a couple of weeks now about his newly found interest in chapter books. I'm not crazy in that way, so I would never offer a chapter book to a 2 year old because I would not expect him to be interested.

About a month ago, I was at my parents' house, and I decided to bring home more of the stuff that still clutters my old room at their house. Oddly, I have so many things still there that it looks like I still live there. Anyway, that day I decided I would bring home more of the children's books that I accumulated while taking a children's literature course back when some bad circuitry in my brain had me thinking I would go into teaching (While doing my student teaching semester, I decided it wasn't for me).

I brought home a small Roald Dahl collection that includes George's Marvelous Medicine, Matilda, The Twits, The BFG, and Esio Trot. I set them on the desk upstairs, and didn't think much of them until I later saw that Jameson had moved them into his room. Again, I just thought he would look at them and get bored once he realized they didn't have many pictures.

He didn't. He asked me to read George's Marvelous Medicine, and we finished it a few days later. We have since moved on to Matilda. When I started reading George's Marvelous Medicine, I thought for sure he'd be bored in 5 minutes. He wasn't. In fact, he was anxious to find out what was going to happen. I can't lie - I was interested too. It's a nice change reading a chapter book to him since picture books and such can get boring when you're reading them for the tenth time. On the other hand, some never get old because they're fun to read.

I'm interested to see if he asks me for more once we finish the Roald Dahl set, and I'm wondering where this will lead. I'm not really a fiction aficionado, but I love non-fiction. Lately, I've been on a business and financial topics kick. You don't suppose he'd want to read Family Business Succession with me? Okay, maybe I'll wait until he's four.

I'm Hiding

2008-07-27T05:55:00.003-04:00

James just left for New York, and he left me with 2 fussy babies. They are all normally asleep at this time in the morning, but today they decided to wake up and cry. I have been rocking and trying to calm them for 45 minutes or so. I just gave up, and I came out here to get away from the crying.

Bedtime is the one time of the day that Truman really struggles unless he's sleeping with me. He's in his swing, and calling for me. It's hard not to pick him up, but it's also tiresome to always give in and let him have his way. I'm giving him some time to try to fall asleep on his own, but in 10 more minutes I'll probably just give up. Should I feel sorry for James when he comes home telling me how tired his is and that he needs a nap? This is the sob story he told me after his last "business" trip. You can imagine that I didn't really have much sympathy for how tired he was after he got to sleep in a quiet hotel room.

I hope you have fun out there, but come home well-rested.

My Neighbor Is Crazy!

2008-07-17T09:45:00.007-04:00

I had a flat tire about 2 weeks ago. Both of my parents' cars had flat tires within a week of each other. Hannah (James's sister who was here helping while James was out of town) had a flat tire just a couple of days ago. My mom suspected my neighbor was responsible after both of their cars came up with flats. I didn't think much of it until Hannah strangely got a flat that seemed to coincide with the days she was at the house. Okay - now I'm fairly certain it's my neighbor, so that just confirms my original suspicion that he's crazy.

It all started several months ago. My mom and aunt had been over visiting and helping with the kids. They were preparing to leave, so they walked out the door to start loading their car. I was upstairs with a twin (can't recall which one) feeding him/her. Jameson was downstairs with James's mom while my family prepared to leave. I heard my mom yell for James's mom as she opened the door, and the adrenaline shot through my body. I figured something happened to Jameson, so I darted down the stairs (baby in hand) to see what had happened. I see my mom on the ground kicking at a dog who is pulling at her pants trying to get through the front door. I recognize the dog as my neighbor's fat, lazy bulldog. I run up to it, kick it out the door, and grab it by the collar. My neighbor comes running up just then and take his dog back in his house.

After I find out that Jameson, my mom, and everyone else is okay, I see my neighbor outside cleaning his car. I ask him, "How did he get over here?". He replies in an aggravated tone, "He was outside with me. I was washing the car." I take a moment to wonder what he was doing while his dog left his side, headed toward my house, and attacked my mom - and I still beat him to the scene. He must have sensed that I was mocking him in my head because then he said, "Look, I don't wanna talk about. It won't happen again." I respond, "Okay, I just wanted to make sure because my two-year-old is out here." I sense his aggravation escalating, and he says, "Your dog is always running over here, and you never do anything." I think 'This is true, but we haven't had dogs for more than 6 months'. I tell him he's right, but that is also one of the reasons we did not keep our dogs. He does not like that I have shot a hole in his argument. He gives me a dirty look, an annoyed grumble, and returns to whatever he was doing - cleaning his car as he claimed.

We have not spoken or waved to each other since that day. I will continue to lose no sleep over this issue, but we may lose a few more tires.

The Long and Winding Post

2008-07-06T23:53:00.013-04:00

When I write, I generally like to have an idea where I'm going to begin and end. This time, I just don't know; however, it's all about the kids. James has been making comments about how inconsistently I post, so I thought I better get another one in so I can take off another couple of weeks.

My babies are all growing up so fast. Jameson is turning 3 in just a few months, and he is just funny. I never know what the next crazy thing is that will come out of his mouth. Take today, for example, he had just come home from the store with my mom and dad. He noticed one of a couple of neighbor kids in our yard and he tells my mom, "I'm really mad. Who's in my grass? I better go find out what they want.". My mom, of course, told him it was okay, and he couldn't just go around picking fights. She used to tell me the same thing. Apparently, it doesn't work.

James has also been on my case recently for "playing ha-ya" with JJ. He came home the first time he went to see Kung Fu Panda all geared up to show off his moves. I played along, at first, and now all he wants to do is "play ha-ya", which really just means he wants to run at you like he's going to karate chop you and have you catch him. As with most things, JJ has carried it too far and started kicking and punching harder and harder, so now we're trying to break him of this "game". Amanda's got a good action shot of this game on her blog.

He's been going to "school" now for about 3 months, and HE LOVES IT! James and I love it too, except for the fact that he brings home every virus circulating. James likes to tell me that I should just move in to the doctor's office. We recently got over strep throat then croup - tons of fun. Strangely, I'm getting used to having sick kids, so it's not stressing me out quite as much. The doctor also likes to reassure me that it's good for them since it helps build their immune system. Although I'll assure you that it's not doing much good for my sleeping.

Illnesses excepted, school has far surpassed my expectations. Originally, I wasn't really sure if I was comfortable with the whole idea of group care, but seeing him have so much fun has helped convince me that we made the right choice. He's going 3 days per week, and he can't get out the door fast enough on school days. He talks about his "friends", especially Gabrielle, who is, according to his teacher, his "best bud". She says sometimes they walk around playing games and holding hands - which I think is so cute. His class is always doing some type of craft or project that they later send home, so it's nice to collect these little mementos. I am a memento hoarder after all (I still have corsages from my high school dances).

Here's a picture of my maniac "getting his horns" and giving you his mean face.

Speaking of maniacs, I have two of them on my hands. Amelia is the other. This girl's smile just melts me, but she is just as high maintenance as JJ is and was. A few nights ago, she was tired, and I had just gotten home after karate. She was crying when I got home, and she was so excited to see me. I picked her up, and started getting things ready for her shower. I asked James for a hand. As soon as I hand her back to him, she throws her arms down, lets out an angry scream, and starts crying. We both just cracked up because it's very typical of her hot-n-cold personality.

She has taken to saying "da-da", and has been saying "mom" when she's desperate for me to pick her up or feed her. She mostly like to scream and screech, and her specialty is pulling hair. She is very close to crawling, but her waddle scoot seems to work pretty well for her. Here she is as she wakes up most mornings - in a good mood. Usually, within the hour, she's unhappy and crying about something.

Here is my happy baby. I can genuinely say that Truman is an easy baby, and some days it's the only thing that saves us a lot of headaches. He's always so happy, and he gives the biggest smiles. Here's one of them.

James has finally accepted that Truman says "mama". After weeks of denial, he finally cracked after he had to suffer through trying to feed him baby food while I was out as Truman cried, "mama". He is beginning to say "dada", but his favorite is really just "blah, blah, blah" - no, not just any gibberish but "blah, blah, blah".

Truman may be easier during the day, but, oddly, he's the tougher baby in the middle of the night. This is the one time when there is no substitute for momma. I'm afraid I may be creating another bedtime beast like JJ, but I can't help myself. When they cry, I crack.

Here's a couple of of twin pictures, so you can see this pair in action. I get to see the twin connection every day, but it's much harder to share it through pictures. We're having a great time just watching them grow together, and I love that they always have a playmate. The twin connection goes farther than that though. I'm not even sure I understand it, but I can see it when they are together. It's very sweet.

Here's one last JJ picture. I think it's all I have time for tonight. I'm taking a risk that a baby wakes up, and I haven't even showered yet.

Here's Jameson's newest favorite - the computer. He knows all about Nick Jr.'s website since I've taken him to it since he was little. Well, for the longest time, he would tell me how he wanted to watch cartoons on my computer anytime he saw me working on it. Sometimes I would agree, but usually I would tell him that my computer is for work not play. He never liked this answer. Well, James took care of that for me by teaching him to use the computer himself. This weekend he was playing games and watching videos on Nick Jr.

Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to your blog . . . (I know, bad joke, but couldn't help myself)

Life's Too Short

2008-06-23T23:41:00.005-04:00

Just before the twins were born, I was scrambling to make arrangements to find any extra help I could to get through the first 6 - 12 weeks. If you've ever had a baby, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, then just wait. Based on my experience with Jameson, I knew it was going to be hard, but I had NO IDEA what to expect with twins. I did know for certain though that our household chores would be the first to suffer.

I like to be self-sufficient, and I do not like to ask for help even when I really need it. At first, this time was no exception. My mom's constant nagging about getting help finally made me cave. I came to the realization that I should get help for the sake of my sanity. She did her part by planning to have one of my aunts in town for the first two weeks. My mom, as always, planned to be around as much as possible, but I think she did not want the stress of feeling like she had to shoulder this burden by herself.

My father's secretary (Maria), who has grown to become more of a family friend, volunteered herself and offered to bring her niece Rosita from Mexico to help (and study English). At first, I wondered if maybe I had too much help. I have since learned that it's not possible to have too much help when it comes to children.

The first few weeks after the twins were born seemed so much easier than they were following Jameson's birth because I had so much help during the day. After the first two weeks, my aunt went home, and I felt the loss of an extra set of hands. In the months that followed, Rosita helped us at home with cleaning and laundry. Rosita went home in April, and I crossed my fingers that we would keep the house as clean and orderly as she had.

I have not, but I don't care anymore. It's clean enough. Even better, Maria now volunteers to come out and help me every weekend. I insist that she take some money, but she would do it for free. She shows up every Saturday morning, vacuums the entire house, mops the floors, cleans the bathrooms, dusts, washes dishes, straightens up, and does anything else that needs attention. When she leaves I love to walk through the house and just feel relieved that the house is clean (and I had nothing to do with it).

I used to feel good about trying to do it all ourselves. Yet, in hindsight, I now realize that I was giving up family time for cleaning time. Paying for a clean house seems like a small price to pay for more time with James & the kids. This Saturday we went shopping and came home to a clean house. God bless Maria. . . and my mom for making me realize that it's okay to lose the pride and take the help.

I'm a Stinker

2008-06-19T00:17:00.008-04:00

This is one of Jameson's favorite things to say. He picked it up from watching Bugs Bunny, so he has a good idea what it means. He loves to push my buttons and everybody else's.

It's no wonder he is the way he is. He gets it from me. Sometimes I do it on purpose (I know - not nice), but sometimes it's almost like instinct. I get it from my grandfather. My mom and my aunts often tell me how my grandfather is the most difficult and exasperating person they know. It's funny, but they all share pieces of his personality. I think it's just always easier to say, "He's difficult". He is, but they aren't exactly shrinking violets. If you know my mother, you know what I mean.

By now, you may be wondering, 'why would I care?'. You don't. This post is for the benefit of my husband. This is his Father's Day gift - just a little insight into what I thought he already knew about me. Maybe he did and he forgot. Here's a refresher, James, on Julie 101.

I am a very passionate person about anything that is important to me. I know sometimes the things I get worked up about seem dumb to you, but they have significance to me. Sometimes the reasons I do things are so convoluted, I don't have the patience to explain them. Just trust me that if I'm really in support of something, I have my reasons.

I am not laid back. That's your job, and you're good at it. One of us has to be. If not, we'd probably be calling 911 for diaper rash. One of us must persevere, and one of us must know when to quit.

Yet, I am certain despite all my nagging and ranting, you admire those things in me that you sometimes you wish were in you. For me, the same is true (minus the nagging & ranting part). Sometimes, I wish I were laid back, and I didn't get so frustrated with the madness of the 3 under 3 household. Alas, I am who I am. Each day I try to better myself, but at some point, "my little stinker" will just light a fire under me.

If one of us is the dreamer, then the other must be the doer. When I am the blind believer, you are the pragmatic. It seems so appropriate now that we had twins, who incidentally, are polar opposites. I see us in them, and despite their differences, they still enjoy each other's company.

Happy Father's Day!

You didn't really think I would be on-time, did you?

Getting the Babies to Sleep . . . Sure

2008-06-10T14:17:00.007-04:00

I'm not really a napper (unless I'm pregnant), so I don't really take kindly to napping. James has a habit of staying up way too late wasting time online or working on a new project he probably will not finish when he should be in bed. He often complains how tired he is, and he usually blames it on poor sleep quality. I normally blame it on poor bedtime habits. It's a discussion we have often.

So . . . you can imagine that when I find him napping or suspect he has fallen asleep following one of his late night blogging sessions, I am usually a little aggravated. Well, on this particular afternoon, he had gone upstairs to "get the babies to sleep", and he was gone for quite a while. After about 45 minutes, I began to suspect he had fallen asleep, so I was going to wake him up to help me with cleaning.

Here is what I saw as I opened the door to the babies' room.

I was ready to be mad, but I could not stop laughing.

All Alone . . . and Sick

2008-06-10T00:48:00.004-04:00

James is stuck at Newark Airport, and I'm at home alone with 3 little ones - sick ones at that.

Yup, out of the blue today, Jameson spiked a fever. I, as usual, ran him to the doctor to have the ears and throat checked. Both clear, but I'm still keeping an eye out. He was still running a fever by bedtime, so I can look forward to little sleep. Now, I'm just waiting for the babies to catch up with him.

James is out of own all week for work, so I'm relying on my mom and his mom and sisters to help me as they can. I'm not really nervous about being alone a whole week so much as being alone with sick kids. When it comes to sick kids, saying that I'm paranoid is probably an understatement. I start imagining all kinds of scenarios, and I completely over-think things.

For instance, tonight Jameson gets up from my bed which he laid in for a while following his shower and says, "My neck hurts.". As soon as he says this I'm already wondering if meningitis is a possibility. Yes, it is, but I know it's far more likely it's just some other virus. I wait a few minutes and ask him if his neck still hurts. He tells me it doesn't, but he's already planted the thought in my head. James isn't here to tell me I'm crazy, so I try to keep my imagination in check.

Wish me luck. We miss you, Dad.

Why I'm Awake at 6:00 a.m.

2008-05-30T06:28:00.004-04:00

The babies are all asleep, at least, now they are. The dad is back to sleep. I am still awake recovering from the shock of waking up to hear my baby bounce off the step I use to get into our bed (yes, it's that tall, or I'm that short) and roll onto the floor. I heard a very small amount of crying, and I woke up like a madwoman yelling, "James, he fell out!".

I know. Judge if you'd like, but we co-sleep with the babies. No, not because of some crap I read in a book about co-sleeping and its supposed benefits but because I'm tired. I started doing it with Jameson because I just couldn't keep waking up 3 or 4 times per night to nurse the kid after the first 5 or 6 weeks. Jameson and I never had an incident; however, I do remember once waking up in the middle of the night to catch him before he rolled off the edge. Unfortunately, I am sad to say that Truman broke our safety streak this morning.

At about 5:30 a.m., I heard a head conk against the wooden step we have laying next to my side of the bed. I then hear a baby roll onto the floor, cry for about 3 seconds, then silence. I dart out of bed scoop him up, and yell at James. In my eternal clumsiness, I then rush toward the bathroom and trip on a chair on my way there. Don't worry. I caught myself on the loveseat before hitting the ground with my already injured baby.

I turn on the light, and there he is, just smiling back at me. He has

a red mark on the likely impact site, but he is totally alert and happy (no surprise there). I apologize to him about 100 times, and James scolds me about letting them sleep in the bed. I acknowledge my negligence, but I also inform him that I cannot get up 7 or 8 times per night to feed the twins and get them back to bed. I promise not to let them sleep on the outer edge, and I will limit the sleeping capacity to 1 baby in the bed at any time.

Two hours later, I am awake and thankful that my baby is okay and back to sleep. I am blessed a million times over, and we are all so lucky.

Hardest Job in the World

2008-05-18T01:23:00.005-04:00

I am convinced that being a mom is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world. I am sure many would disagree with me. You're entitled to your opinion, but read on if you want to get an idea what it's like to be a mom from my perspective.

You should consider that being a mom is not a full-time job. I had one of those, and it's only about 40 hours. Whatever I could not finish by Friday, I could leave for the following Monday, usually. When you're a mom, the bedtime stories, dirty diapers, and hungry babies just can't wait until next week. Sometimes, I wish they could, but as soon as I think about the alternative, I am always happy to get back to work.

Some days I feel like a successful mom, and other days I feel like a complete failure. Lately, I have felt more like a failure than a success. It's a daily struggle to make it through a day with a two-year old that likes to throw a lot of tantrums. "Don't do that!", "Stop it!", "I'm counting to 3", "Didn't I tell you . . . ", "Sit down!", "Be gentle with the babies", and "Cut it out!" seem to be all that comes out of my mouth some days. At the end of the day, when I stare at a beautiful baby sleeping peacefully in bed, I beat myself up about my impatience. I promise that tomorrow I will try to reason with him instead of being so hard on him. He is, after all, just 2.

Sometimes everybody is hungry - all at once. I try to determine who is hungriest based on the how loud his/she is crying or the how many times I'm asked for candy. Bottle feeding the twins wouldn't seem so bad during these times, but I have picky eaters, of course. My 2 year-old likes to think he's ordering a la carte at his favorite restaurant, making demands like, "I want pancakes, bacon, and juice." I try to convince him that eggs, oatmeal, or cereal are a better alternative. Sometimes he cooperates. Sometimes I give in. Usually, he nibbles at whatever I have served him, and I spend the next half hour convincing him to do a puzzle so I can get a decent amount of food into him.

Many days, I have help. Thank God! Some days I don't. The days I don't someone usually throws up or comes down with the latest cold making its way around. I make big plans for these days like 'I'm gonna get all the laundry done, and when the kids take a nap, I'll do all the filing.'. I have yet to catch up on laundry, and my filing is still sitting in stacks on the desk.

I haven't slept through the night since March of 2007. My tiny human alarm clocks don't skip meals, especially not at night. I'm usually too tired to move them back to their beds, so most mornings I wake up with a baby on each side of me. And . . . if I dare sleep past 8 a.m., Jameson is on the floor of my bedroom throwing a tantrum because "it's wake-up time", and he wants to go downstairs.

Showering alone has become a luxury. By the time I get to shower, there's a baby due for a shower also. Occasionally, there's 3 babies due for showers. Baths are a rare occurrence here. There simply isn't time every night for 3 baths.

I know. I sound like an ingrate, but remember that I said 'hardest, but most rewarding'. At the end of the day, it's all worth it to watch 3 beautiful babies sleeping peacefully, even if it means that I still need to do some laundry and wash dishes.

I know I'm late on this one, but do you really expect me to be on time? If you're a mom and you can relate to my own experience, pat yourself on the back. You're doing the best you can. Happy Belated Mother's Day.

Do you Cook?

2008-05-16T01:16:00.004-04:00

I rarely get to watch TV anymore, but American Idol is one of my guilty pleasures - apparently mine and millions of others'. Anyway, I used to watch every episode, but that kind of time is hard to come by anymore. I watched regularly at the beginning of the season, some in the middle, and started tuning in again recently.

If you follow it at all, it's David vs. David this finale. David Cook was one of my favorites from the beginning, so I was glad to see him make it so far. I am, of course, one of the "American Idle" as Simon calls us viewers that watch but never vote. Anyway, I'm hoping Cook wins it all. David Archuleta was the early favorite, and I thought I liked him too but his little annoying habits have started to wear on me. He needs to open his eyes, and the over the top humility is somewhat unappealing now.

Well, if you follow the show, I'm sure you have your own opinions. I'm sure no one cares (especially since I don't vote), but that's my two cents on the matter.

You Might Be Surprised to Know . . .

2008-04-27T01:43:00.009-04:00

that I do Tae Kwon Do. I started it way back before I was pregnant with the twins as a way of losing my baby weight from Jameson, but I had to take a break once I found out Truman & Amelia were on their way. I am currently a green belt, which is considered an intermediate rank. I have several belts to go to get to black, so I'm not exactly a lethal weapon - yet. Nonetheless, with the comparatively small amount of technique I know, I could probably do a lot of damage to an unsuspecting mugger. I don't ever want to be jumped, but I am just waiting for the day that I can use my "skills".

I was going to make this blog about the tournament I was in this past weekend, but writing about being jumped reminded me of a funny story that I thought was worth sharing.

Let me preface this story by saying that I am pretty paranoid when it comes to safety, so I would say that I tend to be more on guard than the average person.

Several months after starting Karate, I was on my way home with just enough time to change and head out to class. At the time, Jameson was our only child, so James normally took care of him by himself while I was gone. On this particular evening, I was in a big enough rush that I believe I left my car running and the garage door open.

I ran upstairs, got dressed, and I started to head out the door. However, just as I am getting to the door that leads to our garage, I see that someone starts to open it. I remember that I left the garage door, and a tiny bit of fear enters my mind. I am within a step of the door, so I quickly kick the door closed and press up against it to lock it. I assume someone is trying to take advantage of my open garage to come into my house. I yell, "Hey, who is it?". I hear, "uh, uh. . . ", so I assume the worst - that this creep was trying to get into my house and was not prepared to answer my question. Appalled at his boldness but more angry than scared, I yell, "Get the @#$! outta here you weirdo!". I am shocked that he continues to try to open the door. I am already planning the beating that I will impart . . . with my Karate skills of course.

Then I hear what sounds like a familiar voice, and I'm slightly embarrassed thinking that it might be someone I know. Sure enough, I hear, "It's Kip & Clara.". I open the door, smile, and apologize. It was my mother-in-law & brother-in-law. We all had a good laugh.

Apparently, my husband was expecting them, but he failed to warn me about it. I wasn't exactly expecting them to come through my garage door. I am certain that I threw in a few more expletives than I included above, but you get the point. I think I still kinda freak out my brother-in-law, just a little.

So . . . don't show up to my house unannounced or I may just save that beating I planned for you.

We Got a New Dog!

2008-04-22T01:06:00.008-04:00

He named himself "Black" and neighs because he forgot momentarily that dogs bark. This is JJ's most recent imaginary identity. Funny, but not nearly uncommon here. His imagination is running wild recently, and he loves pretending he is anyone but himself. Each night after bath time, he insists on wearing his Batman or Superman pajamas. He is then magically transformed into a superhero and asks us to call him either "Batman" or "Superman", per his attire. I have to say, "Batman, do you want anything else to eat?" or "Superman, go pick out the books you want me to read.". He enjoys it, and I enjoy playing along with him.

Tonight, we were in the middle of this routine when he decided he didn't want to be Batman even though I had the pj's all ready to go. I go to put the shirt over his head and he says, "No, I don't want to be Batman". I respond, a bit surprised, "You don't? Okay, I'll be Batman". Then I proceed to try to put the 2T shirt over my head. As I pull it over my head, I say, "See! I'm Batman.". I look over at Jameson and realize that as I was pulling his tiny shirt over my head, he was pulling his pants over his head. Almost as soon as I proclaim my new superhero status, he proclaims his, "I'm Pantsman!". At this point, I just lost it. He's a nut, but I shouldn't be surprised. He gets his quirky sense of humor from me.

He's not only started imagining he is other people or animals, but he has also started trying to talk to me using fake words - think of Jabba the Hut in the Star Wars movies. I play along, and he tries to outdo me by coming up with longer fake sentences each time I say one. I'm not sure what gave him this idea, but it's still funny. Usually, I can remember some book, cartoon, or movie where he's getting his crazy ideas, but I'm not sure about this one.

I have countless other quirky JJ stories, but I must get to sleep. James is out of town on business, which leaves me all alone with 3 under 3. I pray that I make it to morning with the energy to do this 2 more nights. I'm not complaining though. I'd rather be with my babies than away from them.

Who's Your Momma?

2008-04-17T17:44:00.002-04:00

It seems that Truman definitely knows the answer to this one. For about 4 weeks now, he has been making this "ma"-like noise when he gets very desperate for food. Today, the word "mama" actually came out of his mouth. I know he's only 5 months, and you probably think I'm crazy but James can back me up on this one (except for the "mama" part since he's out of town). I ran over to see him since he kind of caught me off guard, and he gave me an open-mouthed smile. It still melts my heart when I know my kids are happy to see me.

I thought I would get this "first word" down in writing since JJ started saying "mama" at 6 months, but I never wrote down the date. I must say that I'm a bit surprised that Amelia was not the first to utter a word. I was certain she would be first. That just goes to show you that your children will never stop surprising you.

On the Other Hand, Some Never Learn Their Lesson

2008-04-10T16:21:00.004-04:00

I am still recovering from the "Legend" bug, so I have been on the internet more than usual. I happened upon this blog while looking for other twin blogs, and I just can't help myself from sharing.

I started reading some of her posts, and I just find myself compelled to read more. If you want to know what it's like to constantly sabotage yourself financially, please read.

The Best Lessons Are Not Learned At School

2008-04-07T14:42:00.014-04:00

Despite being less than 3, my kids have taught me far more in the last 2 plus years than I ever learned at school. Before I had them, I always wondered about the whole motherhood bond - you know, that whole thing about 'you wouldn't understand unless you're a mom' thing. Well, now I understand that . . . and much more.

Since having Jameson, James and I have started to think about how we envision our lives 5, 10, and 20 years from now. I think having children forces people to give serious thought to how you will provide for the financial stability of your family and still have the flexibility to live the life you want with them. After all, why have children if you can't enjoy them? Don't kid yourself either though. Financial stability is important also because it is what allows you the freedom to live the life you want.

Financial stability means something different to everyone. To us (and I am speaking here on James's behalf), it means that we can live the way we want to live with our children, travel when we can & want to travel, allow ourselves to have fun without worry, and provide for our future and that of our children. That may seem like a tall order, but for a very long time I always envisioned leaving behind some type of "empire" to my children. As they and I grow older, my resolve only grows stronger. Allow me to give you some background.

My father emigrated from Mexico to the US after what he believed would be a temporary position became permanent. After a few of life's hard knocks, he began work as an independent consultant. He was successful enough to need to hire more help and so began his engineering company. I was 3 and half when he incorporated, so as I grew up, so did the company. I have had the good fortune to watch it, first, from afar through its ups and downs and, second, from within as we have worked together to build something of which we are both proud.

He has been my greatest teacher in matters of business, and I have learned very much through his example. I know one of the greatest lessons I have learned from watching him is that we must pursue our dreams because it's certain that they will not pursue us. That is, if you want to accomplish something, then you are the only one with the power to set it in motion.

Since I first saw Forrest Gump, it has been one of my favorite movies. I could never really identify why, but after getting JJ's nasty bug this weekend I had a chance to do some reading and realized why. I started reading Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money that the Middle Class and Poor Don't (highly recommended) upon the suggestion of our financial advisor (just hired). Later, I was in the shower reflecting on what I had read, and for some reason I thought of Forrest Gump. One of the messages I have taken away from the book (so far) is that education and intelligence are really only useful if you know how to apply them (in this case, specifically financial intelligence). I suppose Forrest Gump is a perfect example of someone who wasn't "intelligent" by the generally accepted definition and not highly educated, but he always pursued what he wanted.

I digress, but the point of all of this is that my childhood, professional, and now parental experience has taught me that sitting back and waiting for that "big break" is really more a myth than a reality. I think I always knew that deep down, but for some reason I just had not gotten around to acting upon it. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was lack of knowledge. Maybe it was laziness. Maybe a bit of all three, but I am ready to change that now.

I'm not talking about quitting my job or even changing it (in fact, my stake in the company is one of my greatest assets & accomplishments), but many of the strategies I read about in Rich Dad Poor Dad ring true for me. James and I have talked about them for some time, but I am committing myself to acting upon them. I watched my father follow his own dream (with some nudging from my mother) and build a great life for himself and his family. I want to set the same example for my children. You know, "Stupid is as stupid does." as Forrest would say, so I refuse to be paralyzed by fear - that would be stupid.

Here's a little extra for you . . .the Trubaby watching his mom writing up her post.

Rude Awakening

2008-04-05T01:57:00.006-04:00

I woke up at about 12:47 a.m. this morning to Jameson throwing up on me. He's now waiting for me to come back to bed with him, but I can't lie that I'm a bit apprehensive to go back in there. I just sat down after cleaning up dirty clothes, bed sheets, the floor and bathroom, and taking my second shower of the night.

Fast forward 12 hours since I had to get JJ to sleep last night.

Talk about a rough night. It sounds like we're not the only ones having a tough time this cold and flu season, which I thought was supposed to be over. Well, last night I was very abruptly reminded that it's still making it's way around. I got Jameson to bed at about 11 p.m., and I fell asleep with him. I shot up out of bed at about 12:30 a.m. when I hear him starting to cry and cough. It all happened so fast all I could do was contain the mess with what else but my own body. Yuck! What a mess! Of course, Jameson was very quick to point out that he "made a mess". I hollered at James to come help me with the aftermath, and I think I woke up Truman (poor guy!). There was nothing I could do. James threw JJ in the shower, and I worked on cleaning up the mess. Unfortunately, poor little Truman just cried until I was ready to feed him since it was time for him to eat.

It's no fun, but I know it's part of being a kid. I just hope it's not as bad as our last stomach virus. That one knocked all 3 of us out for at least a week. I was 7 weeks pregnant with the twins and had to make a trip to the hospital due to dehydration. Jameson seems in pretty good spirits though. He's not eating a lot, but it's probably better that way until he's feeling more like himself.

Now I'm just hoping my little ones don't pick up this bug. They are troopers though. I'm pretty sure we're going on 3 or 4 colds/bugs this season for each of them. James has been hit a couple of times, but somehow I am hanging in there. I'm using positive thinking and so far it seems to be working. We'll see if I hold up.

Roll with the Changes

2008-04-01T15:10:00.009-04:00

Amelia rolled over today. She's probably already done it before, but this is the first time I have actually SEEN her do it. I thought it was kinda funny, so I took a picture. Here she is screaming and screeching about her displeasure of being on her stomach. Yes, I said screeching. She has taken to screeching really loudly whenever she is excited or upset. JJ and I tell her she sounds like a dolphin or a little squealing pig. It's really quite amusing. Maybe I'll catch that on tape one day.

In other news, JJ is starting daycare next week. Well, he's actually going to The Goddard School, which we decided after considering a handful of places that it's, by far, the best we've seen. I should also add that each school is independently owned & managed, so I am by no means endorsing just any Goddard school. Anyway, I am actually excited for him because we can tell that he's craving the social interaction. They appear to do a great job there, and coincidentally we went to high school (grade school too with James) with the Director. She brings her own daughter there, so I think it says a lot about her trust in her staff. We'll keep you posted on his progress.

As for the Trubaby, he is happy as ever. I have seen him roll over also, but he's not as eager to do it as Amelia so I haven't caught him on camera yet. Words I would use to describe these days are agreeable, strong, and very affectionate.

I have been fortunate enough to continue to nurse both of them. One thing I really love about breastfed babies is how there really is not substitute for Mom. Take last night for instance. James stayed home by himself with all 3 babies from about 6 to 11 p.m. That is a tall order. Kudos James! Anyway, apparently Amelia went on a hunger strike and refused to take formula (although I am certain she was starving). She was relatively calm when I came in, but when she saw me she gave me a knowing smile and was eager to eat. Truman was sleeping when I came home, and apparently, he had taken 8 to 10 ounces in 5 hours, which is a lot for a 4 month old considering I fed him just before I left. Well, despite his hearty appetite while I was gone, he was still ready to nurse within an hour after I returned, which I think was more a result of being away from mom for a long time rather than actual hunger. They are both like this at night. Nobody goes down without nursing first.

After getting home and feeding them, both twins were ready to just go to bed. JJ was, as usual, another story. He eventually went to sleep but not without putting me down first. This is how it often works. I will be telling him a story or doing some mental imagery (helps calm him), and I start to fall asleep. He eventually gives up and falls asleep too. This is also why I don't get to blog very often.

Here's some updated pictures. Enjoy!

The twins with their usually expressive faces.

Oops! Here's proof that we break all the safe sleep rules.

The Baby Thinker

This one was also taken today. While Amelia screeched and hollered downstairs, Truman was upstairs sleeping the day away. Sorry about the bad lighting. I'm still experimenting with my new camera.

Here is Jameson sharing his TV chair with Amelia just after waking up.

The Only Child

2008-03-22T23:34:00.006-04:00

Phew! After a four day cleaning marathon, I can breathe a short-lived sigh of relief. We are officially on the market, so now we just have to focus on keeping the house as clean as possible. That's no small task when you have a 2 year old that likes to pretend he is Cookie Monster, dump out his toy boxes, and "cook" with our tupperware and plastic utensils. . . tons of fun

Anyway, this blog post is NOT going to be about cleaning up after JJ, but I wanted to get a memory (however absurd) jotted down before I forget. It came to me when I was cleaning up some dishes today. I'm not sure what made me think of it, but I kinda laughed to myself just at the thought. Lissette, if you're out there, you will appreciate this one.

I have always thought that being an only child is kinda sad. I don't know too many only children, but I have a clear memory of one that went to Colgate with me. We'll call her Helga in the spirit of her equally German-sounding name.

I met her as a pre-season freshman, which just means that we were both on campus before most other students since we both had pre-season for 2 different fall sports. We lived right across the hall from each other and strangely, we were from the same hometown (which is well over 500 miles away from Colgate). We met but neither of us was really interested in getting to know the other, so that was the extent of our relationship for about a year.

By sophomore year, we were still living across the hall from each other just with different roommates. During the first two years that I knew Helga, I had learned she was eccentric, very cheap, quirky, not especially concerned with personal hygiene, frightenly promiscuous, and very outspoken. Her roommate and I were friends, so we had quite a bit of contact. Usually, I just had to hear the Helga stories from her, but every now and then I had the bad luck to witness them myself.

During my sophomore year, my roommate and I shared a bathroom with her and her roommate. The bathroom had 1 shower, 2 sinks, and 1 bathroom stall. We rarely had conflicts with showering schedules, so overall it was a pretty good setup. This particular incident started innocently enough as what looked like some clothes sitting up on a ledge facing the shower somewhat close to the ceiling. It was high enough that I could not see what exactly was on it but low enough that I knew it was some type of clothing. I didn't think anything of the clothes at first since 4 of us shared a shower. I just figured that someone had forgotten to take them out after their last shower.

Days passed and the clothes were still there only it looked like now there were more. I ignored it. The days became weeks and the pile of clothes was now crowding the ledge. I asked my friend Lissette, her roommate if she knew anything about them. She said, "Yeah, it's Helga's underwear." I asked what they were doing there. She responded, "I told her to get her dirty underwear off of there, but I don't know what she's doing." Our conversation pretty much ended there, and I'm sure I made some comment about how strange she was.

Another week or two passed, and I remember Lissette coming out to see me in the hallway and saying I had to come see what Helga was doing. I walked into the bathroom and there stood Helga with a large plastic tub full of cloudy water and her dirty underwear. She was holding a large pair of scissors in her hand and using them to stir her makeshift laundry tub.

I said, "What are you doing?".
She responded, "I'm washing my clothes."
I said, "Yeah, I know, but why there?"
She said, "I don't want to pay $3.00 for a load of laundry."

I know I laughed pretty heartily and probably made some additional comments about her being crazy, but I just ignored it after that.

Another week or 2 passed, and again, Lissette came to see me to tell me how Helga still hadn't finished her "laundry" and it was still sitting in the tub of murky water growing mold. Apparently, it had taken on a pretty nasty odor after sitting there for a few days, and Helga didn't know what to do about it. I'm pretty sure she spent those $3.00 to do her laundry, but I don't know if she ever got the odor out of her clothes.

I know not all only children are as strange as Helga, but I remember her very clearly since she is one of the few I have known. For some this story may be funny, for others probably just too much information, but for me, just another college memory (and a reminder of why I wanted to have more than 1 child). I have many, many more Helga stories only some of which are appropriate to share.

Last I heard, Helga was a member of our fine military working in something like weapons development or something I found equally frightening to be under her control. I am sure she is quite competent in her job, but I hope she spends some money now to do her laundry.

Parents are Funny

2008-03-18T00:16:00.003-04:00

I was thinking about our kids tonight and how proud I am of them, and I started thinking about how most parents have this thing in common. I stress MOST because I know not everyone is fortunate in the parents department. Anyway, I was thinking how parents are often proud of the dumbest things their children do. Usually, you're the only one that is amused. I know because I've seen it and done it.

One really good example of this is potty training. Think about it. If you're a parent whose been through this, you're so proud of your kid when he/she finally decides to go on the potty. If you step back and think for a second, it's kind of silly, isn't it? Sweet . . . my kid doesn't poop his pants anymore! or whatever you may celebrate to yourself. It's silly, but I will still be stoked once Jameson decides he is going to stop being stubborn and just go already.

As a teenager, I remember playing club and high school soccer, and thinking how annoying parents can be. Parents can get especially obnoxious when it comes to sports. Everyone wants their kid to be good at something, and dads usually want that something to be a sport. I knew a lot of kids who played soccer mostly because their parents wanted it for them. If you've ever watched ANY high school football or soccer game, you can watch parents fulfilling or hoping to fulfill their sports aspirations through their children. I pray to God that I don't become one of those parents. Of course, I won't deny that I will be ecstatic if any of them chooses a sport I know anything about, namely soccer.

Intelligence - here's another common source of parental pride. I know we all swear up and down that we have the smartest kids in the world. Resisting the urge to compare our children's intelligence to other kids' is a difficult thing to do. I don't know if we want validation or if maybe we think that our kids are smart because we're smart. I can't figure out why so many of us care if our kids are any smarter than the next kid. Maybe we just really don't want to be ordinary. Yes, I think maybe that's it. We don't want to be just like everyone else. We want to be special, so we also want our children to be special. Who knows.

One thing is for sure. We all have our hang-ups. Mine involves all things health and safety - my kids health and safety, that is. Yeah, I would be okay with having a few dummies if it meant they would be healthy dummies. James thinks I obsess about our kids' safety, but I can't help myself.

For example, tonight we had a St. Patrick's Day party at James's aunt's house. At some point in the night, while I am busy with a baby upstairs, Jameson decides he is going to take a fake leprechaun beard and chase a couple of his cousins around the house. I hear the commotion (which had been going for about 5 minutes) and come downstairs to spoil the fun. Did I say that the fake leprechaun beard is attached to a long sturdy plastic handle? Yeah, well, I had images in my head of Jameson tripping and stabbing himself in the face or stomach with this plastic hazard. Okay, he wasn't exactly running with scissors, but not too horribly far from it. I'm pretty sure I felt like a leper at that point because I think everyone else in the room thought I was crazy for spoiling their fun . . . everyone, including James. Go on and admit it the rest of you . . .Amanda? Hannah? Emily?

Anyway, the point is, we all have our neurotic ideas and habits as parents. If you're not a parent yet but plan to be, don't worry. You'll discover yours when you have your children. Don't judge me for mine.

What am I doing?

2008-03-17T03:23:00.004-04:00

I am asking myself this question as I begin this post at 3:23 a.m. on a Sunday. Prior to this post, but after midnight I was feeding a baby, talking on the phone, doing some work (yes, real work), completing a Lending Tree application, reading random blogs, and doing some paperwork when I decided I should do a post. For some reason, I seem to do my best work after midnight. I guess I enjoy the quiet and total lack of disruptions. I know I will not enjoy waking up at 8 a.m. with a toddler anxious to start his day.

There's my cue though . . . crying baby! This time I should probably go to bed.

The Road to Hell . . .

2008-03-10T20:57:00.015-04:00

You know how it goes. I don't need to finish this one. We've all been here, and it's no fun because we usually have no one to blame but ourselves. More importantly, we're usually the only ones that can get ourselves out. Here's my dilemma.

I found myself here about 23 weeks into my pregnancy with the twins. I was in the hospital with some early contractions, and a standard blood test found my blood sugar was elevated. They determined I was a gestational diabetic. I wasn't completely sure what that meant for me, but immediately, I began to wonder 'how did I get here?'

I had always been a healthy 115 - 120 lbs. during college, even though that's technically on the heavier side for my height (4'11"). Yet, with my thick build, anything smaller than that would probably be a bit unhealthy. I was content to be a size 4 or 6. After James and I got married, I weighed about 130 lbs. I'm pretty sure we had a fairly gluttonous honeymoon where I packed on another 5 pounds or so (not healthy, but it was fun).

Then I got pregnant with Jameson . . . talk about using pregnancy as an excuse to eat a lot of crap. Here's where the whole "road to hell" part comes in. I think I had actually convinced myself that by eating a lot I would meet all my nutritional needs as well as the baby's. Well, eat is what I did, and I packed on 50 lbs. I did not help though that I believe I probably was a gestational diabetic while pregnant with Jameson (swelling, tingling hands, excessive fatigue & weight gain), which would explain the insatiable appetite. Diabetes is a strange beast. When your blood sugar is elevated, for some reason, you actually get hungry when you don't really need to eat.

Thinking back all the way to high school, I never USED to have to watch what I ate, but there was one major difference now. I guess I was in denial or something, but I had yet to adjust my diet to compensate for the fact that I was no longer an active kid or a collegiate athlete. I guess I kept telling myself that I would get back to playing soccer again and lose the weight later. Yeah, that never happened.

So here I was pregnant with the twins, already at about 170-some lbs. at about the halfway point in the pregnancy when they gave me the diagnosis. They had me meet with a dietician, and they made me change my diet. It was hard at first, really hard. But, as I continued with the diet, I started to feel better, and it got easier and easier.

Work, motherhood, and family life gave me a lot of good excuses for not making better lifestyle choices. All of my bad decisions in the past were now staring me in the face. What had I done to myself? I remember thinking that I was at a crossroads. I could either come to terms with the fact that I was no longer a competitive athlete (nor was I going to be) and change my eating and exercising habits, or I could regret not having done so and cut some years off my life with my family.

I made the obvious choice.

Hello, my name is Julie ____ , and I am a recovering sugarholic. It has been 8 hours since my last donut (although it was just a bite) and 2 hours since my last chocolate-covered marshmallow. I continue trying to make good food choices, but I have to constantly remind myself of my long-term goals. Despite my daily diet blunders, I try to focus on my overall diet choices.

Okay, so I'm not perfect, but I am making headway. I will say that I am at least getting my "5 a day". My overall diet has significantly improved, but breaking the sweet tooth is no small task. Everyday I find more willpower to avoid making bad choices. I have been able to find pretty good substitutes for my high-fat, high-sugar treats.

Nonetheless, like any recovering addict, I continue to be in the habit of sabotaging myself, or I can usually count on my mom to bring home something not on my list of good-for-me foods.

1. I made a Carrot Cake about 2 weeks ago, and guess who ate most of it. Yeah, well, I was able to replace most of the oil with applesauce, and I used pineapples in order to reduce some of the sugar. I used whole wheat flour, and cut the frosting sugar in half. Still not a health food, but I have to be able to eat something that feels decadent.

2. This is a Laura's Cookies from Dorothy Lane Market. They are heaven in a cookie (if you like sugar cookies). They were one of my many guilty pleasures when I was pregnant. I remember thinking everytime I ate one that I probably needed the extra calories. I was carrying a baby after all.

These days I try to avoid Dorothy Lane Market (or at least the bakery section) because my willpower is no good when I have them in the house. My mom brought Jameson a few a week ago, and she says she is not trying to sabotage me.

3. Tonight, I watched Unwrapped on the Food Network. The show is all about food (usually mass-produced junk food) and how it's made. Don't watch it if you're hungry.

Here's the treats they featured tonight. They do, of course, show you how they're produced, so it's very tempting to see tons of creamy frosting, or velvety chocolate, or worse, creamy ice cream (my absolute achilles heel).

1st Episode
Cinnapretzel - a gluttonous combination of a pretzel with a cinnamon roll set into the twist (comes with a side of cinnabon frosting)
Oregon Chai Tea
Sparx Spicy Cookies - specialty spicy cookies made with real chili peppers
Cinnamon Sugar - how it's made (duh!)
Sugar Artistry - using sugar to make art
Billy's Bakery - "a bakery with homestyle flair" (specialty is Banana Cake with Cream Cheese Icing)

2nd Episode
Snickers Candy Bars
Fran's Chocolates - sellers of gourmet chocolates & other sweets
Potato Chip Cookies - yup, just what it sounds like
Jeni's Ice Creams (just a short drive to Columbus) - the Roxybury Road sounds DIVINE
Snyder's of Hanover Pretzels - Chocolate covered peanut butter pretzel sandwiches (that's a mouthful, in more than 1 way)
Wolfgang Candy Company - feature White Chocolate Pretzel clusters

I think I like to live vicariously through the people I see on the show (and other Food Network shows) eating all these treats.

I have many more just like these, but this blog must come to end at some point. So now, I will do what I told James we should do to stay motivated to lose weight.

Post a couple of "skinny" pictures of ourselves to stay motivated. We don't expect to look like we're in our twenties again, but I do expect to do everything in my power to be around for my kids for as long as possible.

I'll keep you posted on my progress. I have less than 30 lbs. to go.

Got a New Camera

2008-03-06T01:09:00.007-05:00

I was looking for an excuse to buy a new camera. Well, I thought taking daily pictures of the kids seemed like a good one. Here's some to share.

Jameson after his first snow adventure. He's freezing and boogery, but he had a blast making snow angels and throwing snowballs with dad.

Unfortunately, I have spent a lot of time doing this for the last 2 weeks. Poor kids picked up 2 viruses back-to-back. We're still getting over the last one.

My cousin came in to town for a few days and begged me to take pictures of her with Amelia. She already has a favorite, and sadly, she was not afraid to admit it.

My sleepy bunny - if only all babies were as easy as Truman . . .

Here's JJ in one of his many pictures with his babies. As he puts it, he "loves them too, too much".

Couple of close ups

JJ exhibiting his nightly routine of gathering ALL his books and piling them on the bed for me to read.

Amelia being a "big girl", looking so proud

Abuela con Amelia

Abuelo con Truman

JJ showing off his "mad face" for the camera.

Kids Say . . .

2008-03-06T00:27:00.004-05:00

yes, the darndest things. . .

Just a quick post because he made me laugh tonight (not that he doesn't every night).

Jameson likes to watch cartoons in bed with me at night and/or have me read him books before bedtime. Well, tonight I had been doing some work on the computer, so he had not seen much of me in the evening. Whenever I do this, when I finally do go downstairs, he always acts really clingy.

Well, tonight when I finished my work, I went downstairs to tell James I was getting in the shower and taking Truman with me. Jameson immediately comes over to me and grabs my hand. He starts walking up the stairs, and I tell him that I need him to wait with his dad because I'm going to take a shower. He says, "I want to take a shower with you." He's already had his shower at this point, so I say, "No, JJ you've already had your shower. You don't want to take another shower." He persists and while pulling me by the hand says, "No, I want to take my clothes off with you and take a shower together."

I know. He's only 2, but I had to laugh. I am sure he'll enjoy hearing this story when he's older.

Bad Day

2008-02-28T02:38:00.004-05:00

Today, I was a bad mother . . . well, not really today, but yesterday. It was just a bad enough day that I didn't get to post about it.

After a long hiatus from blogging, I decided that if I didn't get a post up already, I might as well just quit altogether.

We're going on two weeks now with at least 1 or more sick babies. I'm not sure if they're picking up different viruses or if the course of this one is just really long. Jameson keeps pulling out mile long boogers (I know, TMI) despite my efforts to stop him. Nonetheless, I think we're on the tailend of it.

Ordinarily, my mother comes out during the day to help me keep my sanity and make sure at least JJ's needs are met. Well, as luck would have it, she got sick too. As much as I would have liked her to come out anyway, I told her to stay home until she was totally healthy. Today, I paid for it.

The morning started out innocently enough with JJ and mom curled up watching some cartoons. I had gotten up earlier to feed the babies, so they slept until 10:30. Then, all hell broke loose. Truman woke up crying, and I thought I would feed him and he'd likely go back to sleep. I fed him, but he didn't go back to sleep. At this point, I needed to get JJ some breakfast, so I set Truman in his swing to make JJ some eggs and oatmeal. Breakfast was the usual struggle with Jameson, but Truman cried in the background the whole time.

After I finished with Jameson, I tried feeding Truman again, but I could tell I was out of milk. Instead, I made him a bottle. He refused it even though he was hungry. I was starving at this point, and I knew I would not have any milk unless I ate. I made myself breakfast, and, again, Truman cried all the way through my breakfast.

I thought since he had a chance to get pretty hungry, he would take some formula. Wrong again. He still refused it, and continued to cry. Now, Amelia wakes up and wants to eat. So, again, I set Truman down to feed Amelia, and he continues crying. She fusses most of the way through her meal (as usual), but seems happy by the time she is finished. I set her down to try to deal with Truman. I feed him some more, and he finally falls asleep. I breathe a sigh of relief, and take a moment to change JJ.

No sooner do I get JJ cleaned up, then Truman is crying again. I try some formula again, but he continues to refuse it. So I bite the bullet, and just let him sit there and nurse as much as he can. He is content for a short while and dozes off to sleep again. In all this commotion, JJ asks me, "Can I get something to eat?" (no joke - those were his exact words) . I apologize to him, and tell him I am doing my best but Truman is not really cooperating today. I set Truman down expecting him to start crying shortly. He does, but I continue with JJ's lunch.

It's about 1 pm at this point when I finish Jameson's lunch, and I sit down with him to make sure he eats. Truman continues crying in the background. We are finished by about 1:30, and I return to Truman. I try a bottle again, but he still refuses. I nurse him as much as I can, but I haven't eaten much so I have not produced much milk. While feeding Truman, I decide I want the doctor to look at JJ's eye since he has been picking at it since he's been sick. I was worried about pink eye or some type of infection, so I wanted to say on top of it. They give me an appointment at 4.

I called James at work, and told him to come home as soon as possible because I have an appointment for JJ, and Truman has spent the entire day crying. Somehow he understands that I need him home by 3:30 pm. I continue to struggle with a fussy Truman, a tired JJ, and a hungry Amelia. James gets to the house at about 3:25, and I run upstairs to change out of my PJ's sadly enough. JJ and I rush to get ready and head out the door.

I have a few moments of peace from 3:30 until 5:30, when we return home. James feels bad about the stressful day I've had and sends me to the bookstore with Jameson to get away. Yet, I'm tired, so an outting to the bookstore was not really in my plans. I need to fill JJ's prescription, so I decide to go to Target, and see if he forgets about the bookstore. (JJ likes to go to Barnes & Noble because in the Kids' section they have a Thomas the Train trainset that all the kids like).

We get to Target, and I take his prescription to the counter. She tells me it will be ready in 10 minutes, but I didn't give it much thought since I figured I would just pick it up once we finished. JJ and I go on to look at the toys and anything else we can to pass the time. By the time I decide we're ready to go, I head back to the pharmacy window to pick up the prescription. However, it's closed at this point. I was pretty ticked, but I guess I only had myself to blame. I didn't realize they closed the pharmacy before the rest of the store.

We headed back home and get home to find that dinner's not ready. We settle on hot dogs and mac-n-cheese (not the healthiest choice, but definitely one of the quickest). I don't care at all at this point and just eat whatever is in front of me. The night cannot end soon enough.

JJ eats. I feed the babies, who continued fussing on and off. James takes JJ to shower, then I take him up to hang out for a while. I passed out at some point, and James took care of everything else. Thank God! I needed it. It doesn't sound like much, but listening to babies cry ALL DAY LONG makes for a pretty stressful day.

I was short on hands, time, and patience. I hope my children forgive me.

Just for Kicks

2008-01-31T21:26:00.001-05:00

I am in the middle of putting together year end documents and projections for my company's new fiscal year. I thought I would post some pictures while I wait on my reports to load just for fun since I came across so many funny ones in My Documents today. I hope they're not just funny to me.

No idea???

Shortly after this picture was taken, my canoe capsized. For a split second, I feared for my life (no, not from drowning but by impalement by another canoe). Yes, I'm short, but they're also really tall.

No idea what Curt is supposed to be in this picture.

One of the more creative Halloween costumes I remember

Are you surprised?

I have a lot more, but it's time to run for now and get to sleep. If I have time later, I'll post some more.

Warning: Bad Parenting Skills Ahead

2008-01-28T01:55:00.001-05:00

In 15 years, Jameson will probably look back and blame us for the bad sleeping and eating habits we have given him (although we did our best initially to avoid them). Lately, it's all too much that we choose our battles, and junk food and bedtime are two we often lose. Only time will tell how much damage we have done. We do our best to be the best parents we know how to be, but lack of sleep, newborn twins, and a persistent toddler REALLY make that difficult.

Here is some evidence:

There is one thing I find really hypocritical about most parents (including us). We all want the best for our children, and we try to shelter them from making the same bad choices we make. Here is JJ eating an ice cream sandwich (one of my favorite guilty pleasures). Poor kid has his mom and dad's nasty sweet tooth. Yes, we could have made a healthier food choice, but is it really fair to treat yourself then tell your kid he can't have it? I am sure I will hear about this one from James.

Here's more evidence of what many would consider a bad habit, but it's one of my favorite nighttime activities. JJ likes to curl up in bed with me and watch Justice League Unlimited, Batman, and/or Superfriends. Here he is tonight waiting on me to get him some milk and come watch his shows with him. Maybe once our schedules normalize here, he'll get to bed at a decent hour again. If and when that happens, I will miss our little ritual. I am sure his dad will be happy to see it go.

The Stay-At-Home Mom

2008-01-27T04:23:00.000-05:00

Here I am with a 2-year-old and 9 week old twins, and I am wondering where the time has gone. Thinking back on how our lives have changed over the last year, I realized that having my first child was great. Nonetheless, it was like the honeymoon of motherhood. That is to say that motherhood is really a completely different experience once you have more than one child.

Some of the things I don't get to do anymore . . .

Nap when the babies nap. However, there is the rare occasion when they ALL sleep, and I thank God for those moments.
Eat breakfast before 10 a.m. There are days when I am up between 4 and 6 a.m., and I just go ahead and eat simply because I know I might not have the opportunity again until noon.
Go out anywhere with just me and the kids. How exactly do you carry 2 infants and still supervise your 2-year-old in any type of store? Yeah, that's what I'm still trying to figure out.
Stay out anywhere past 10 p.m., and THAT's pushing it. James and I have done that once to celebrate his birthday, but I don't think my mom is going to fall for that one again anytime soon.
Drive a car smaller than a mini-van.
Feel caught up on my chores.
Change less than 10 diapers a day. It's time to potty train JJ.

I could go on, but I won't because I take far more joy in the whole new set of things that I DO get to do now.

I get to sleep with my kids. There is nothing more peaceful in life than sleeping with your children.
I get to help shape three little lives.
See how much JJ loves "my babies", as he calls them. I love to hear JJ walk out of his bedroom to come wake me up and ask to see his babies every morning.
Gain a renewed sense of appreciation for all parents. No matter what your approach may be, it's not easy, but it's extremely rewarding.
I have 3 great excuses for not getting everything done. I hate to have a huge list of to-do's, but I would hate far more to look back and wish I had spent more time with my kids.
Learn something new from or about my children every day. Each day there is something new with children, as anyone who is a parent will tell you.
I get to be "Mom". There's something really comforting about feeling needed.

I suppose what I am getting at is that life is harder now in many ways, but I would not trade it for simpler days. Simplicity has it merits, but when it comes to family life, I prefer it be complicated and crazy, but full.

A New Life . . . So Much Promise

2007-12-23T01:03:00.001-05:00

Often when I look at my kids, I think about all the opportunity that lies ahead of them. They start with a clean slate. Their young, new lives hold so much promise. I suppose that's why I always think it's heartbreaking when I hear about the loss of a young life. It's sad to think of all the life they had yet to live . . . so many things left undone. Every day I pray to God that I never have to live through the loss of one of my own. I cannot imagine how devastating this must be.

Anyway . . . the loss of a child . . . that's NOT what this blog is supposed to be about, but it's a thought I had as I was composing this post.

I wanted to post about my 3 little ones and my predictions of what I think they might do with their lives. Maybe in 20 years they'll look back at this post (if they look at it at all) and wonder how I knew or laugh at how wrong I was. Either way, it's still kind of fun to speculate.

JAMESON

Tonight, I was watching Jameson play with his Legos, and some time in the last few months I have noticed his play and concentration has developed a bit. He's very focused and methodical when he plans to put something together. Tonight, he was "building a tower" as he told me - " a big one". He laid out all his Lego pieces on the floor and sorted them by size and color. He then proceeded to build several towers with pieces of like colors and sizes. Then, he put those smaller towers together to make larger towers. Every time his towers would fall over he would get very frustrated, but he kept trying.

I see the artistic inclination in him that he gets from his dad, and I wonder if he'll be an architect. He loves to ask us to "build horks" (forts), and he likes to sort and line things up like his dad.

AMELIA

She is full of attitude and not afraid to speak her mind. No, she's not talking yet, but I swear she is screaming (not just crying) and doing a lot of it. She is short on patience and wants what she wants. She is an impatient nurser, and she makes faces when we give her formula. She even spits it out sometimes. She cries or screams through most diaper changes. If I'm up late at night for several hours, I'm probably tending to her. It's early to make predictions for the twins, but I could definitely see her becoming a litigator or an entrepreneur. She likes to have things her way, and she's willing to fight for it.

TRUMAN

Nothing phases Truman. He is going to be my calm, laid-back baby. He's content to just sit in his crib. He cries when he's hungry, but he'll wait if I carry him. He often sleeps through his diaper changes. He loves it when I wash his hair. He's happy if I nurse him, but he'll take the formula just the same. His demeanor in itself is calming to be around him. He reminds me of some of the better professors I remember having in college.

Who knows what they'll do, but I hope they're NOT the next Hugh Heffner. We'll leave that one to their cuz.

We made it!

2007-11-23T21:55:00.001-05:00

Yes, we ALL made it through the delivery of the twins. Truman and Amelia arrived on Wednesday (Nov. 21), and I'm happy to say that they and I all made it through the whole wonderful yet excruciating event alive and well. James has done a nice job of keeping everyone up-to-date and served as the family photojournalist during this time. I'm glad he did because I was in no condition to do it.

It has now been 2 weeks since the delivery (actually 3 now that I am actually posting), and I am just starting to move around with little or no pain. The first week postpartum was fairyly painful, but I am happy we were able to avoid a c-section. The "baby blues" hit me hard the first week after delivery. I know after Jameson was born I had a couple of short-lived breakdowns, but I think I got it a bit worse this time. Everything seemed to set me off. I am slowly regaining my sanity and wondering if I will ever regain some semblance of my former self. I am sure anyone who's ever had a baby can understand where I'm coming from, but I will paint a mental picture for those of you who have not.

Imagine feeling one day a complete sense of fullness in your abdomen where even trivial tasks seem impossible (putting on your socks & shoes, sitting up in bed, finding your lap). Then imagine waking up the next day feeling as if you have been hollowed out from the inside out. When you get up, you're afraid that your organs might just flop right out of your body. You have to get out of bed slowly because it takes a moment for your stretched abdominals muscles and ligaments to re-engage. Your once full, tight abdomen feels like a soft, squishy, unfamiliar pouch.

My beautiful babies are more than worth the temporary discomforts of labor and the drastic physical and hormonal changes my body has undergone. Yet any mother will tell you that it's a lot to go through at once, so it's no wonder new moms get the "baby blues".

Having waited so long to finish this post, it has now been more than 3 weeks since the twins were born, and I am beginning to feel more like myself. The "baby blues" are gone, and the exhaustion of this first 12 weeks has set in. Thank God for my mother. She has been so helpful with relieving some of the pressure of childcare by coming over and helping just about everyday.

My aunt Josefina from Mexico also came into town to help for a couple of weeks. She too was a godsend. Between her and my mom, they caught up all our laundry and helped clean up the house. I definitely felt less stressed than I remember feeling shortly after JJ was born.

I think we are settling into some type of a schedule, so hopefully we can get at least two 4 hour blocks of sleep in each night. It's funny how sleep becomes a major priority shortly after you have a baby. It' s WAY harder when you already have another little one because you can't "sleep when the babies sleep" as everyone will tell you. I know this period will end before I know it, and then I will wonder what happened to my little babies.

My Belly Fell Off Today

2007-11-16T12:02:00.000-05:00

Well, not really, but it sure looks like it could. My belly is hanging so far out from my body and so far down that it really looks like it could just fall off. Every time I get up now I need to take a couple of minutes because it's painful to stand up and let my body adjust to carrying around the weight of my belly.

We had another ultrasound yesterday (no pictures this time), and the babies are both almost 5 lbs. I am sensing that these babies may be born some time in the next week. I woke up feeling a bit crampy, but I've been through that before. We'll see how the day progresses.

I cannot imagine the relief I will feel once these babies are born. Thinking back to my pregnancy with Jameson, I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable toward the end, but this time I am somewhat in disbelief. I know have to pick up my belly with my hands every time I roll over in bed because it feels like my skin might tear if I don't help support the weight.

Just a quick note this time since I think this may be my last blog before the babies are born. It seems I might have Thanksgiving babies after all. If I can't, James will keep you posted.

The Boss's Rant

2007-11-14T18:41:00.001-05:00

I'm going to do it today. . . write about work. I have tried to avoid doing it, but every now and then I need an outlet to vent about work frustrations that I am sure most people can relate to in one way or another.

I run an accounting department, and we are in the middle of closing our fiscal year. I have really bad timing with pregnancies because I have been out of the office for 2 of our last 3 fiscal year ends. When you are in charge of all of the work that is produced at this important time of year, it's a lot harder to be out of the office. In addition to having a lot of "accounting" work at this time of year, we (like most companies) have lot of year-end issues to deal with that produces a lot of work for me since I am involved in a lot of the decision-making.

It should go without saying then that over the last 8 years of working in an office and the last 5 years of running a department and helping to run a company, I have seen and dealt with a lot of different employees and learned a lot about people's work habits. Below is my list of office pet peeves about workers and working conditions from a boss's perspective. If you have ever worked in an office, you will at least be able to relate to most of these . . . and maybe even learn something about your boss.

1. IF YOU ARE OFF-TASK, YOUR BOSS USUALLY KNOWS ABOUT IT.
Whether or not you work on a computer, your body language and your work output normally tell your boss when you are off-task. My favorite employee tactic is the last second attempt to cover up the non-work papers on your desk by quickly sliding other papers on top of them to cover them up. Don't do this. It's obvious you're not on-task. I also enjoy the quick click off the website where you're looking up news, sports scores, or other non-work related information. What most workers don't think about or realize is that your productivity is directly related to the profitability of your company. When you waste time, you're wasting your own money.

2. TRYING TO ENSURE YOUR JOB SECURITY BY KEEPING WORK TASK INFORMATION TO YOURSELF DOES NOT REALLY IMPROVE YOUR JOB'S SECURITY.
I can think of countless examples when employees really thought that not sharing work information such as passwords or job task procedures with other co-workers would improve their job security. In my opinion, this tactic just makes workers look incompetent and insecure. I value most my employees that can teach ME and their co-workers something new rather than those that try to guard information.

3. YES, EVERY COMPANY HAS SOME INCOMPETENT MANAGERS.
How incompetent workers ever become managers is beyond me, but I am certain this is the case somewhere in just about every company. What's worse is that incompetent managers breed incompetent workers. I work at an engineering company, so many of the managers were mostly engineers or designers before becoming managers. Many have no other business background, and many times it shows in their management style. I don't have an extensive business background, but I have a good understanding of business operations. When I don't know enough about a certain aspect of management, I seek out references to learn more about it. I think this is part of trying to be a good manager. Unfortunately, too many managers are complacent about their management skills and make no effort to improve them.

4. IF YOU'RE NOT A GOOD WORKER, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD ENTREPRENEUR.
It always strikes me as interesting how naive people can be about what it take to run a company. Employees always have opinions about how a company should be run or about how they would run their company differently, but most don't really know all of the issues you have to deal with when you are a business owner. Usually, you find it's your worst employees that have the most opinions but never really do anything about the problem. The best employees do their best to do something about it rather than just continually complaining about the problem.

5. COMPLACENT WORKERS ARE BAD WORKERS.
Employees that adopt the attitude that doing what they do everyday without ever making an effort to expand their horizons or improve their methods are, in my opinion, equivalent to lazy workers. So many employees are so scared of change that they never venture outside their small comfort zone. Resisting change is a disease of the American workforce. If we embraced change and chose to tackle problems head on, we would all work for better companies.

6. I WISH ALL WORKERS "GOT IT".
I can't tell you exactly what separates workers that "get it" from workers that don't (experience, intelligence, effort, skills, ability to learn quickly, probably a little bit of everything), but every boss wants the worker that "gets it". There's nothing more frustrating than teaching an employee how to do something, having them tell you they understand, and coming back later to realize they don't "get it". What's worse? Sometimes they don't even realize they don't get it.

I could go on, but I don't want to bore anyone that might be reading this anymore than necessary. I know how I must sound. . . typical boss . . . thinks she knows everything. . . undervalues her employees. Truth is, I think I have pretty good employees. They have their faults but so does every worker, including me. Remember, I work in an office, so I see the behaviors of a lot of workers, not just those that work for me. Being home on bed rest is an especially frustrating way to manage anything is you're a hands-on manager, so I just needed a moment to vent my frustrations. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I am always trying to learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of those around me.

Bedrest Continues

2007-11-09T13:36:00.000-05:00

Sunday will be 34 weeks . . . getting closer but 36 weeks cannot come soon enough. I'll work on having James post a picture on one of our blogs some time this week. My belly is about to start dragging on the ground. It looks almost fake. I'm a bit frightened about how it's going to look once these babies are out.

I can't wait to feel more like myself instead of being bed-ridden. I think JJ will be happy to have his mom back. He enjoys hanging out in bed with me and going to Noggin.com to see Dora, Diego, Max & Ruby, and all the other cartoon characters he likes to watch. I miss just picking him up and playing with him like I used to. James keeps reminding me that I am so close, but the days just seem to drag on.

It's hard to believe we are 2 to 3 weeks away from suddenly becoming a family of 5. I am 1 of 3, so I will soon have as many children as my mother. I know my mom is expecting the twins to be my last, but we will see. If pregnancy were an easy thing, I could see myself having 6 or more kids. I know adoption is always an option, but after reading about Chandra's journey, that doesn't sound so simple either. For now, I'm going to focus on raising my first 3 and re-evaluate how sane we are once the twins are a year old or so.

Whatever may be in the cards, I feel blessed to have the 1 we have and be expecting the next two. Ultimately, I would be thrilled to have happy, healthy children that James and I live to watch grow up.

FREEDOM!

2007-11-06T15:42:00.001-05:00

They discharged me from the hospital today, and I am ecstatic to be home. I cannot imagine what some of those women that are in there for months go through. It's hard to see your family and have to stay behind. I think if I would have had to stay there for another week, I would gone into a depression. It's strange the effect that the isolation has on your mental state.

I'm at 33 weeks and 2 days, and they would like me to get to 34 weeks at least. I think I will probably make it to 35 or 36, but I would be surprised to make it much further than that. My birthdate prediction is November 30th. Time will tell, but their arrival is fast approaching.

As of our last ultrasound, both babies were vertex (or head down), so my hopes of avoiding a c-section look reasonably good. Both babies have been doing great on their non-stress tests, so I am confident that they are healthy. I think my uterus is just being stretched to capacity, which is likely why I am having contractions.

JJ seems happy to have me home. Today he me, "Momma no go back to the hopital". It made me both sad and happy, but mostly happy to know he was glad I was back. I told him that I would go back to the hospital when the babies were ready but that I would send dad back to stay with him. I'm going to be relying on everyone else to help both me and JJ. It's a hard thing for me to do, but I promised I would stay on bed rest.

I guess we're on the homestretch now, so I just have to make it a few more weeks.

In the Hospital . . . STILL

2007-11-04T21:44:00.001-05:00

I finally got some internet access, and I'm working on my 5th night in the hospital. I can't imagine having to stay another 2 weeks, so I am crossing my fingers that they will discharge me tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath, but I am hoping I get to go home and see my boys. Every day I am gone, I feel like I miss out on so much.

Thanks to his dad, JJ seems to be doing just fine. It's times like this that I am really thankful I (and JJ) have James. Keep it up, dad! You're doing great!

The babies move constantly now, and it is TIGHT in there! It is still amazing to me how a woman's body can accommodate a baby (or more). Based on our last ultrasound, the babies are now over 4 lbs. each - good size for 32 weeks. We were told they grow about 4 oz. a week at this point, so they might just be 6 or more pounds by the time they are born. Today marked the end of 33 weeks, and I feel fairly confident that they'll make it to at least 35 weeks. Obviously my doctor is a bit more apprehensive, otherwise I would be in my own bed right now.

At this point, I am just killing some time here. They have me on a uterine monitor, and that's pretty much it at this point. I was originally on an IV & taking some other medication, but they agreed to take me off since I seem to have stabilized. More later. . .

31 Weeks And Hanging In There . . .

2007-10-24T00:21:00.000-04:00

I made it to 31 weeks, but I feel like I'm at 40. Even my LARGE maternity clothes are getting tight around my belly. The last few weeks have been relatively uneventful despite a short hospital visit to monitor contractions. At about 28 weeks, I started having contractions again, but they seem to have decreased since then. At this point, my belly is just itchy from all the stretching and from the elastics on my clothes.

I am praying I can make it at least another 2 weeks but I'm hoping for 5 more. My movement, especially at night, is getting increasingly labored. Getting to sleep is difficult, but I normally stay asleep once I'm down (except, of course, for the once nightly pregnancy pee).

My belly has taken on a life of its own. When I look at it now it almost looks fake. Each morning I wake up to find it larger than I remember it. I'm not sure how the babies can move at all since it seems like it would be pretty tight in there. The only thing keeping up my spirits these days is knowing that I'm on the homestretch.

Sunday will make 32 weeks, and that is my minimum goal. I would be happy at 34 or 35 weeks, but everyday I wonder how my body will possibly manage for that long. This pregnancy is definitely the most physically demanding thing I have ever done, and I will be proud if all 3 of us make it safely to the end. At this point, all I can do is hope, pray, and try to take care of myself.

3 Years Ago Today

2007-10-09T14:44:00.000-04:00

My mom has JJ for the day. I should be doing work, but I decided there was something important I needed to do today - thank my husband for 3 wonderful years of marriage.

We've had our ups and downs like every couple, but I do hope God blesses us with many more years to come.

After meeting in high school (and subsequently dating for 10 years), James I were married on Saturday, October 9, 2004 - a beautiful fall day! I cannot believe how the years have passed so quickly. Life passes so fast sometimes I wish I could capture every moment to relive it again later. It's been a short 3 years, and here we are with 1 beautiful son and waiting on our next two to arrive.

This one is for you, James, for all the years of laughter, love, and lunacy. I am lucky to have found you, and our children are lucky to have you as their dad. Happy Anniversary!

HIGH SCHOOL YEARS

COLLEGE YEARS

ALL THE YEARS SINCE . . .

JJ Antics

2007-10-08T00:42:00.000-04:00

I'm at 29 weeks complete and counting (up, not down). I've spent the better part of the last 2 months working from my parents' house or from home. It's been nice to be able to see JJ most of the day even though I've had to cut back a bit on my activity. He's quite a character and spending most the day with him just gives me lots of stories to share.

He's very into Sesame Street now. As far as television goes, it's pretty educational so I usually let him get his daily dose. He knows all the characters, but Elmo and Ernie seem to be his favorites. Here he is in this shot playing with his "Tetameet" toy. He is also a fan of cameras, and he insists on seeing the "picca" of JJ after I take them. He told me that it was "JJ paying with Tetameet on da bed". He seems to be enjoying that he's learning to speak in sentences, and he does his best to be as descriptive as possible.

Later he decided he wanted to pretend to sleep, so he laid down for me to take a picture of JJ "teeping".

Another one of his favorite games is hiding under the covers, so here he is again showing off for the camera. Once he was done having his picture taken, he said he wanted to take a picture.

This one, as JJ called it, is "momma's belly and compooter". I laughed, and I posted it only because he took this one. Ordinarily, I'm not really anxious to show off my ENORMOUS belly.

I'm looking forward to the arrival of the twins, but I hope I have just as much time to enjoy the crazy antics of my lovely JJ.

Here's two of our favorites "JJisms" his dad and I wanted to make sure we record.

"Good morning" - It doesn't matter what time of day it is . . . it's always good morning for JJ. He understands it as a greeting, but he doesn't quite have morning, afternoon, and evening all worked out.

"Oh my God" or "Oh my goodness" - probably a bad habit on my part . . . but it's funny to hear how dramatic he can be about things.

2007-10-04T20:47:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged by Chandra from Chatter's Chatter. I'm sitting here in bed timing contractions, so it seemed like a good way to pass the time.

Four Things About ME

Jobs I've Had

1. Vice President of Finance (current - for the last 5 years)

2. Soccer coach (several, but all the same stuff)

3. Human Resources Coordinator

4. Administrative Assistant at a school while in Madrid

Places I've Lived

1. Born & raised in Dayton, OH (still here & happy)

2. Hamilton, New York (upstate New York home of Colgate University)

3. Madrid, Spain (college semester abroad)

4. That's it . . . I'm pretty boring

Food I love

1. Ice cream & Cake

2. Real Whipped Cream

3. Authentic Mexican Tacos

4. Fruit (I've gotta like something that's good for me)

Websites I visit

1. Colgate Women's Soccer

2. Lakota Women's Soccer

3. Yahoo! News

4. AllRecipes.com

Places I'd rather be

1. pretty sad, huh . . .

2.

3.

4.

Movies I love

1. Princess Bride

2. I Love You to Death

3. Better Off Dead

4. When Harry Met Sally (yeah, I'm a sucker for romantic comedy)

TV Shows I Watch

1. The Office

2. Big Love

3. Little People, Big World

4. Dr. G: Medical Examiner

Friends I'm tagging

1. Tiffany (only friend I know with a blog - besides Chandra, who tagged me)

2. I'll update if I every tell my friends and/or family how/where to find my blog

3.

4.

A Hospital Visit Later

2007-08-31T18:13:00.000-04:00

After lunch on Wednesday (August 29, 2007) I started feeling a little "off". My belly started feeling a bit achey, not really painful, but uncomfortable. I got nervous and called the nurse from my ob's office to describe what I was feeling. She recommended I got to the hospital because I'm pregnant with twins, and it was possible that I was having some contractions.

They checked me in quickly when I got there, and I sat in the "Early Labor Lounge" while they tried to assess me. I thought this was a misnomer, since there really wasn't any "lounging" going on. During the time I sat there, I'm pretty sure I heard at least 2 women in full blown labor and one (who sounded like she'd had a few too many drinks) talking about having blackouts. I was not in too much pain, but all the background noise and discussions going on in the room were stressful in and of themselves.

They hooked me up to the contractions monitor and ran a couple of tests. The monitor indicated I was contracting about every 3 minutes, but I was surprisingly comfortable. After discussing my situation with my doctor, the nurse returned and gave me a shot of terbutaline (sp?) to stop the contractions. They also conducted another test which I believe they called a fetal fibronectin test. They explained to me that they were looking for a negative result, which would indicate to them that I was unlikely to deliver within the next few weeks. While waiting on these results, my doctor sent orders to keep me overnight for observation.

I was wheeled to the Perinatal Intensive Care Unit where I was to stay for further observation. Later that evening, my doctor stopped in to check-up on me and update me on how we would move forward. We were still waiting for the results of the fetal fibronectin, but based on what I was feeling when I came in and the nurse's assessment he thought I could have gone into pre-term labor. He wanted to confirm his suspicion with an ultrasound the next morning, and he was still waiting to see the fetal fibronectin results. He told me that worst case scenario I would be sent home on a t-pump so that I could inject myself every few days to stave off future contractions. He also said I would be on bedrest from here forward. He told me he wanted to see the ultrasound results to see if my cervix was changing, and we would move forward from there.
The next morning I had my ultrasound, and the results were all positives. The babies were fine, continuing to grow as expected. As of the day of the ultrasound, the girl weighed 1 lb. 8 oz. and the boy weighed 1 lb. 9 oz. The ultrasound also indicated that my cervix was unchanged by the contractions I had experienced. I was encouraged, so now I just had to wait on my doctor to review the results. The on-call doctor showed up later that morning and had them remove me from everything (IV & contractions monitor). He had reviewed my ultrasound, and he said it was highly unlikely that I would deliver anytime soon due to the length and condition of the cervix. He also said I did not need the t-pump as he felt that he would rather not use it unless it was absolutely necessary. He released me to go home, and he had me schedule a follow-up to check my progress. I was, to say the least, completely relieved.

One important development that happened as a result of my visit was that he had them check my blood sugar while I was in the hospital. The nurse took a fasting blood sugar and found that I was marginally high (100 mg/dl). He said the terbutaline could cause a temporary increase in blood sugar but that I should schedule for a glucose screening in about a week. The idea of developing high blood sugar scared me a bit since I had not read much about gestational diabetes, so I did not know what the risks were to me or to the babies.

I started doing my research, and I was encouraged to find that gestational diabetes (GD) can usually be controlled by diet and exercise. It can necesitate insulin, but most patients are successfully treated without it. I did find that uncontrolled GD can cause complications, mostly during delivery and following for the babies. My own body could also suffer if I failed to control my blood sugar.

I went out later that week and bought a glucose meter. I started monitoring my blood sugar several times during the day to see how my body was responding to different foods. I read what I could about GD & diabetic diets, and I tried to cut the obvious "no-no's" (pop, candy, desserts, etc.). Amazingly, I found that in 3 days I lost 6 lbs. of water weight, so I knew this realization was an important part of making the rest of my pregnancy as healthy as possible.

I scheduled my 1-hour glucose test a week after leaving the hospital, and I was showing elevated blood sugar. They asked me to schedule a 3-hour glucose test, so they could confirm the validity of the 1-hour test. Sure enough, my test was positive. I failed by a point, but it was probably for the better since that will force me to eat better.

I have since met with a dietician to discuss my meal plan. I continue to be amazed that these changes have almost completely changed my outlook for the pregnancy. I have been able to have almost complete control over my swelling. I have lots of energy. I don't feel heavy (even though I am). I don't have the feeling of fullness I used to have, and I feel confident that I will make it to 30-something weeks. My only real concern is that I have lost 9 lbs. since I changed my diet, and I am at times concerned that the babies are getting what they need. My doctor has reassured me that the babies are fine, so I am just focusing on trying to eat well and take care of myself.

In retrospect, my trip to the hospital was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. I think it opened my eyes to the seriousness of my physical well-being and how I have the power to change it.

Read at your own risk

2007-08-25T16:22:00.000-04:00

I need to vent, so I mean it when I say "Read at your own risk".

I was reading some news today when I should have been napping, and I came across this story.

I was pretty angry and saddened after reading it. Some people really should not be allowed to be parents. Obviously, I don't know the reasons why this woman left her baby in the car for 8 hours, but I don't care. There simply is no good reason to leave your baby in the car in 100 degree weather. I hate the thought of thinking what this poor baby's last hours of life were like.

An appropriate story that illustrates how "We Don't Choose", and how sad it really is sometimes. This woman is an excellent example of why some children are just better off with someone else other than their birth parents. I feel guilty when I lose my temper with Jameson, but I would protect him with my life. This woman was obviously too consumed by other unimportant concerns that she didn't realize her baby was going to die in that car. . . or maybe she did realize that - even worse.

Sometimes life really is just cruel and unfair. Why bring a life into this world if you are not going to care for it? I just don't understand it.

My JJ

2007-08-23T20:03:00.000-04:00

I'm working on my 6th post, and I have yet to tell anyone other than those who found out through others that I have been blogging. I'm really bad at this whole communication thing - especially right now. Pregnancy can be a great excuse for being lazy! Seriously, I think I've been afraid to tell my family for fear they might read it and pressure me to blog more often or find I've written something that offends or embarrasses them. Maybe this will be the week I tell them.

Jameson had another rough night last night, but his dad bore the brunt of it. To make a long story short, he got completely out of his nighttime routine (see James's blog for the full story), and went to bed without a bath or a bedtime snack. I warned James that he would probably wake up and be hungry, and he said he would take care of it if he did. Sure enough, at around 2:30, Jameson wakes up and James can't get him back to sleep. I get up and go downstairs to get him some cereal. He eats a few bites and then throws a tantrum because he wants to play with James's email. He's tired, hungry, and 2, so everything he's not allowed to do is a crisis. After a series of angry grunts and groans, James takes him downstairs to feed him and calm him down.

Ordinarily, I would help, but the stress and lack of sleep is making me sore so I go lay down instead. Thank God for "Dad" because I am not much help these days at night. From what I am told though, Jameson finally went back to sleep at around 4:30, and I don't remember another thing until waking up today at 9.

Everyday is a new challenge with JJ. These last few weeks he's been really into hiding or "escondid" ("esconder" is "to hide" in Spanish) as he calls it. He's likes to wrap himself up in the curtains and yell for you to come find him. Usually he's too anxious to stay hidden, and just comes out screaming and laughing once you start looking for him. Once he gets into something, his energy is incessant. When he wants your attention or he wants you to do something, he knows that if he repeats it over and over you will eventually get annoyed and oblige. I am a bit frightened of where this road will lead.

He is growing up to be quite the chatter box. I think he is only quiet during the day while he is sleeping or eating. He is opinionated, and he is already bossing around other kids - younger and older. We were at Cracker Barrel yesterday waiting on a carry out order. I took him over to the toys section to keep him entertained while we waited. A little girl that appeared to be around 7 or 8 years old was playing with a toy that apparently JJ wanted. He told her "No, nena" ("Nena" means "little girl") and batted at the toy. I told him he could play with something else, but he seemed determined that the little girl should not be playing with that toy. He is obviously not shy, but I am not yet convinced whether that is a good or bad thing.

The days pass so quickly that it often makes me sad to think I can never get those past moments back. I remember what I can, but I know so many precious moments have passed that I may not remember years from now. I will be content if I live long enough to watch my children grow up and start their own families.

Babies at Week 21

2007-08-16T23:03:00.001-04:00

Well, here they are finally! After what seemed like an eternity, we finally got to see the babies again. If James is clever enough, we might post some ultrasound video later. As always, it's amazing to see the little babies living inside of me, but my endurance is definitely wearing thin. I thought the pregnancy would go much faster since I have plenty to keep me busy, but I still have a long road ahead. Nonetheless, we are very blessed to even have any children. Physically, I'm hanging in there, but another 19 weeks seems like such a long time considering how big I am already.

Baby A is the boy, and Baby B is the girl, but we still have no names. We just had the ultrasound on Tuesday, but my lack of energy has kept me from posting until today (I'm sure I'll regret it tomorrow morning). Unfortunately, James didn't get to enjoy the ultrasound since Jameson was not at all cooperative. They waited in the car; however, the technician did manage to record most of it for him. The recorded version somehow just is not as exciting as the "live" one. We're having another one in 4 weeks though, so at least he'll get another chance to see them in utero before they are born.

We are still very excited, but overwhelmed at the idea of not knowing what to expect. In usual Davis style, we have made no preparations for these two, but we'll get around to it eventually . . . even if it means we're scrambling after they're born. I'm excited at the thought of finally meeting these 2 little people and seeing how they change our lives.

The Joys (and lesser joys) of Pregnancy

2007-08-08T23:06:00.000-04:00

It's been some time since my last post, and although I always have JJ stories, I think it's time to pay some attention to the other two kids. I'm somewhere in the middle of week 21, and next week we have an ultrasound scheduled. Apparently, ultrasounds for "high-risk" pregnancies (as all multiple births are considered) are more detailed than those for low-risk pregnancies. In our upcoming scan, they are supposed to check all major organ systems and do the usual 20-week ultrasound stuff. I'm just excited to see the babies again and see how they are growing. I always worry a bit since I am not the pillar of pregnancy health.

I don't do prenatal vitamins (I think they just tax my kidneys). I take children's chewables. I drink caffeine. I am certain I must overeat. I don't avoid everything under the sun like many books and websites will tell you. I do my research and do what feels right to me. I try to make sure I get my fruits, vegetables, and proteins, and I try not to overexert myself. I do wish I would exercise more, but I am bad at doing things in moderation. All things considered, I am probably like many pregnant women who are trying to have a healthy pregnancy but find it difficult to change their lifestyles in one fell swoop. Seeing the babies on the ultrasound hopefully will help to reassure me that I'm at least doing some things right.

I'm beginning to feel the babies' movements more and more, and they are starting to get stronger. I always like the feeling of being completely distracted by something and all of a sudden feeling a little baby kick. It reminds me that I have 2 little people inside of me. I'm sure all pregnant women know what I'm talking about, but having 2 adds another dimension. The patterns of movement are definitely different. If my memory serves me at all, I believe the technician at our last ultrasound told me that the boy was up higher and the girl was down lower in the uterus. It's kind of neat to know that because now when I feel movement, I tend to associate with a specific baby. We still haven't named them, but we probably will not settle on names until after they are born. I believe in meeting this new little person before we give them a name.

Physically, not much has changed for me. Obviously, I am bigger, but my level of comfort has not changed much. I have my good days and my bad ones, but I try to focus on the babies which seems to make the bad days a bit easier. Sleeping was a challenge over the last few nights since my carpal tunnel seemed to flare up, but I think it's starting to improve. If I can make it to a healthy 36 or 37 weeks, I will be happy.

Not much else to report at this point, but once I locate the most recent ultrasound pictures, I will post those along with our pictures from next week. At least if I post them, I won't worry about it when I'm not sure where I put them a few months down the road. For now, the babies (and their momma) need their sleep.

2 Hours of Quiet

2007-07-30T16:07:00.000-04:00

I always have trouble deciding what to do with my 2 hours of quiet everytime Jameson takes a nap. I don't usually get to choose during the week since I am normally working, but today is an exception. Normally, I am deciding between cleaning, cooking, napping, or just doing something I don't get a chance to do when he's awake. Today, I chose to catch up the blog.

I'm coming off an exhausting weekend with JJ, and I should probably be napping but I always hate the groggy feeling of waking up from a nap. I only nap when I'm pregnant. When I'm not, I have pretty much boundless energy, so I never really feel a need. Last Wednesday, my parents left for vacation (Thank God they get home tonight), so I was on my own with JJ during the day. Ordinarily, no problem, but, as I said, I am a bit low on energy right now. On Thursday, my friend, Beth, who has a 1 year old and a 3 year old asked if I wanted to get together and let the kids play since I normally work during the week. I thought it was a good idea since I figured I would have an easier time keeping JJ entertained. I was wrong.

Beth came over at around 11:30, and I was working on lunch. Jameson is normally really good with other kids, so I never figured he would have any trouble. We introduced the kids since they have only seen each other a few times, and they were all a bit timid at first. Liam, Beth's 3 year old, finally gained some confidence and found a green bouncy ball he wanted to kick. Beth told him he couldn't kick it in the house, and I said it was fine since I always let JJ kick it in the house; however, I forgot Liam is a bit bigger and has even more energy than Jameson. He starts to kick the ball somewhat calmly, but his enthusiasm quickly grows and my family room now resembles a racquetball court. Of course, to make things worse, JJ is now in a full-blown panic because HE wants to kick his ball. There are 5 other balls sitting in his toy bin, but he's not interested in those. I try to reason with the 22-month-old that he can share and play with the ball after Liam is finished, but I soon realize that what I say doesn't matter. Liam is now doing full volley's throughout the family room, and to restore some order/sanity I take the ball and say no one can play with it now.

Liam moves on to some of JJ's other toys, and a new tantrum ensues for each new toy. Jameson is now doing what any possessive toddler does, and is going about the room trying to hoard all of his toys. He soon realizes though that he has more toys than he can carry, so he just cries. I try to continue with making lunch while taking breaks to calm Jameson. Beth is pretty calm through the entire ordeal since she says she went through it with Liam when Gavin, her 1 year old, was born. I am about 19 weeks pregnant, so my stress level is already up. A screaming toddler and a green ball whizzing through my house only add to my stress. Thankfully, I finish lunch quickly, and I offer then some soup and watermelon. They are all hungry, so we enjoyed about 15 minutes of peace while they ate. Now, it's my turn to eat, and we return to Jameson throwing tantrums and Liam throwing plastic donuts throughout the family room and kitchen. Beth, of couse, tries to settle Liam, but if it's not one thing it's another. Gavin, of couse, is a little angel the entire afternoon. Liam or Jameson take toys from him or rough house with him, but he just takes it and moves on to the next thing.

While I'm eating lunch and watching the madness continuing in the house, I realize that Beth and Liam both have a cough, and Liam's nose is running all over the place. I ask if she's been sick, and she says that they were sick and are now on antibiotics for the cough. I cringe a bit since I know what's in store. I don't have too much time to think about it though since my eyes are on Jameson & Liam. I am finishing up my sandwich, and Liam decides to start jumping on my ottomans. I wouldn't normally mind, but I know it will just give Jameson another idea of how he can best hurt himself. No sooner am I thinking this, and JJ starts to make his way up the ottoman. I tell him no jumping, so he just sits on it. Luckily, he sits down on the edge of the ottoman right in front of me with his back to me. He sees Liam bring one of his books to Beth to read, and he leaps toward them without thinking - he's headed for a head-first fall off the ottoman. He's within arm's reach of me, so I catch him luckily. I saved myself another outburst.

I decide that the best place to keep them all active and prevent anymore fights is at the park. We head to the park and have a great time. It was the least stressful part of the day. I can only pick up Jameson so many times though before I start to get tired, so I tell them that we need to head back to the house. The walk to the park from our house is about a 1/2 mile, so I am more than worn out after this morning's activities and the trip to the park. Liam starts to act up when we return to the house, so she says it's time for them to leave. I have to admit that I was a bit relieved since I was dying for a nap.

Jameson and I head out for a drive since I don't have the energy to rock or walk him to sleep, and he falls asleep on the way home. I lay him down in his crib and crash in my bed.

The rest of our night was uneventful, and I got a much-needed break when his dad came home. Jameson slept pretty soundly that night after all that activity, so I guess the craziness of the day was good for something.

Friday was the complete opposite of Thursday in terms of my stress level and Jameson's activity. I had to run a bunch of errands, and I dragged him everywhere across town. The poor guy spent most of the day in the car (or the "big carro" as he affectionately calls it). We met some friends out for dinner, then just went home and went to bed. I had noticed that Jameson had started sneezing quite a bit earlier in the day, so I suspected he was getting sick. James had troubled getting him to sleep, and I figured that the lack of activity during the day had made him restless. When he woke up the first time at around midnight, I was still awake, so I gave him a little massage to help him sleep. He slept soundly until about 3 or 4. I sent James in to get him back to sleep, and he slept relatively soundly the rest of the night.

Saturday James and I had been offered tickets to the Air Show through a business contact, so we all got ready quickly and headed to James's parents to drop off JJ before heading to the Air Show. We told them we would be gone until about 2:30 since I did not plan on staying for the entire show. I'm about halfway through my pregnancy, and I have a tendency to swell. I knew that being out in the sun exacerbates the problem, but I had not been to the Air Show for many years so we went anyway. Plus, the tickets included free lunch and the best seats in the venue. The show was pretty impressive even for someone like me who is not at all into airplanes, but I did start to get uncomfortable in the sun at about 2. We left the show at about 2:30, and headed to pick up JJ. By the time we got him into the car, he was ready to pass out. During his nap, I got a call from James's mom to 'see if I had heard the news'. I had not. Apparently, we had left the Air Show just in time to miss the first pilot death in the Air Show's history - something I am glad not to have witnessed. According to local new reports, the accident happened at about 2:40 pm, and they believe the pilot died instantly. My thoughts and prayers are with the pilot's family; nonetheless, I am glad I did not witness it.

Saturday evening seemed to go pretty smoothly, but I should have known that JJ would be up all night when I realized that his nose was stuffy. It's been months since he was sick, so I wasn't sure how he would respond this time. Sure enough, he was up about every hour. James got tired of trying to console him, and brought him into our bed at about 2 a.m. At about 3 a.m., I woke up with excruciating pain in my hand. I would say that I have pretty average pregnancies were it not for the carpal tunnel syndrome I develop as a result of the accumulation of fluid (and swelling) in my body. With Jameson, it set in pretty badly at about 5 or 6 months. My right hand was perpetually swollen, and my middle and ring fingers gradually lost feeling. During the night, I had to remember to lie on my left side so that my right hand would not go completely numb. Some nights I would wake up from the pain in my hands, but there isn't much I can do once the pain sets in. I was hoping that I would be lucky and not have this same problem with this pregnancy, but I'm not that lucky. This time, the CTS set in at about 3 months, and my right middle and ring fingers are completely numb at the tips. At night, my entire hand normally goes numb. Most nights it's tolerable. Some nights it's painful. Few nights it's excruciating.

Saturday was one of the few excruciating nights. At 3 a.m. I woke up because I felt like my fingers might explode. I got up and walked around to see if they would improve, but they didn't. I was also starving, so I went downstairs for a bowl of cereal, hoping that the activity would reduce the pain in my hand. My hand improves slightly and I am exhausted, so I lay back down to try to sleep. For about the next hour, I get up about every 10 to 15 minutes to get more pillows thinking that they will improve my comfort. I think I ended up with about 5 pillows. None of them do, and I keep waking up every half hour to massage my painful hands (on bad nights both hands swell and hurt). Finally, at 5:30 a.m. I decide to try the recliner because I have slept little since 3 a.m. The recliner doesn't help either, so I just sit up and try to sleep. James and JJ come downstairs at about 7:30, and I am pretty sure that I have just had the worst night of sleep in my life. I am halfway comforting myself thinking that James will pick up the slack, but he comes downstairs telling me how tired he is since Jameson kept waking up during the night. I fear I might have a breakdown at this point, so we get into some type of argument about who is more tired. It amounts to nothing, and I go upstairs to get dressed and straighten up a bit. We spend most of the day between naps while the other takes care of JJ. I am ecstatic when it's time to get Jameson to sleep because that means I can rest again. I am dreading though the idea of another night like Saturday. Sunday turns out to be a better night for me but a worse night for JJ. He spends most of the night in our bed, but I am so tired that I barely notice his hourly outbursts. James was able to console him thoughout the night, and I regained my sanity today.

Part-time Mom

2007-07-25T22:03:00.000-04:00

Wow! What a night with JJ . . . he was in one of his moods. I work most days from 10:30 (or so) until 5, so as much as I hate it sometimes, I am a part-time mom. Thankfully, my mother watches him during the day, so at least I know he's with family. Today, I picked him up early since my parents were going out of town to visit my sister, and he fell asleep on the way home. He's very routine-oriented, so changing his schedule or routine on him makes him a bit grumpy. He's used to waking up from his nap and seeing his grandma (who he affectionately calls "Ba"), but today, heaven forbid, he woke up to see "mama". Ba was nowhere in sight. He woke up and immediately started crying and calling for Ba, and I patted his back since he still looked half asleep. It didn't help. He just kept call for Ba, so I finally picked him up once he stood up (I'm about 19 weeks pregnant with twins and only 4' 11", so reaching into a crib to pick up a 26 pound baby is somewhat of a challenge.).

It was time for his dinner, but I knew he would not get into his high chair in his current mood. Instead, I rocked him in the recliner, and we sat and watched cartoons for a minute. He finally settled, and his mood perked up a bit so I figured he was ready. He wasn't. He starts asking me for some Care Bear gummies, and I oblige in an effort to keep him quiet while I heat up his food. I warmed up some lentil stew I had and sliced an orange. He was happy to eat the orange, and I figured it was a good sign that he would cooperate through dinner. I told him I had his lentils, and I give him a spoonful. He starts crying and asks for "thopa kibby", which I know means spaghetti soup. He's used to speaking Spanlish since he spends half a day with my mother who speaks only Spanish to him and half a day with his dad and I who speak mostly English to him. Luckily, I have some pasta soup, and I heat that up for him. He starts to eat it, and after about 6 spoonfuls says "No mama" and turns his head when I try to feed him. He hasn't eaten anything since lunch, and it's now 5:30 pm, so I know he must be hungry. I try again, and he still refuses. I offer him a turkey sandwich, and he nods his head. I make his sandwich hopeful that he will finally eat, and he looks at it and says "no burger mama". At this point, I'm pretty frustrated, so I ask him if he's hungry. He says he's not, so I figure I will just let him play for a bit and try again later.

We played ball for a while and waited for dad to come home. Dad finally comes him around 7, and offers to take him to the store to get milk. I could use the time to straighten up, so I say 'yes'. I tell JJ he's going to the store with his dad, and I start to change his outfit . . . another tantrum ensues (not sure why this time). I quickly change his clothes, and he's off to the store. As much as I'm dreading it, I know I have to try to get him to eat some more when he returns. They come home at about 8, and I heat up some fried rice and wash some blueberries and an apple. This time he eats the rice with little struggle, and has a couple apple slices. He starts eating the blueberries with no problem at first. He must have found a sour one in the bunch though because a few minutes later, I catch him spitting out smashed up blueberry on his chair. I quickly clean it up and tell him not to spit the blueberries out anymore. He's quiet for a minute and heads back to the plate for more blueberries. I'm watching him the entire time, and he knows it. He starts to chew it up, and kneels down in front of his chair with a grimace on his face. He starts to open his mouth, and I say, "JJ no! If you spit that out, you're not getting anymore blueberries.". He spits out the blueberry, and quickly puts it back in his mouth. I'm aggravated that he's not listening, but I have to turn my head to keep from laughing at his boldness in front of him. As he gets up to reach for more blueberries, I take the other blueberries away, and his 3rd tantrum of the night starts. He goes up to the TV screen and smudges it with the blueberry remnants he has in his hands. He then drops onto his butt and flings his head back smacking on it on the floor, and he realizes it doesn't feel good. He starts to fake cry, and I tell him to get up and come give mom a hug. After rolling around for a moment, he comes for his hug. I know he's just having a bad night, so I'm just trying to get through it and hope he's in a better mood in the morning. He's obviously tired, so we take a shower, and his dad puts him to bed.

He can be a real stinker, but even on his bad nights, it's funny how he still melts my heart. It strikes me sometimes how he can be so little and already know so much. He knows how to push my buttons, and he knows how to make it better when he's made me mad. He knows what he wants, and he knows how to ask for it. He knows his routines, and his memory is better than mine. I don't think anyone ever knows what they're getting into when they think about becoming parents. It's not what you expect it to be. It's so much more.

Yup, I did it

2007-07-22T00:03:00.001-04:00

I don't believe I'm actually doing this, but I suppose I will give it a try and see how it goes. I am a lousy friend by my own admission, but I hope I am a better blogger. I rarely call and almost never respond to emails, so I thought my friends and family could keep up with us better if I started a blog. It remains to be seen whether I will remember to call or email to let them know about the blog.

I have often thought to myself how blessed I am to have been born into my family, but it always strikes me that we don't get to choose the circumstances into which we are born. There are many fortunate people in this world and many unfortunate. Often I wonder, 'what did I do to deserve to be one of the fortunate ones?'. Maybe it's a matter of perspective. I don't know, but I was having this same thought the night I titled the blog. I am sure there are much better blog names out there, but this one works for me. I suppose you could say it's a recurring thought for me.

So what makes me think I'm fortunate? the simple stuff. . .
I was born into a loving family, and we always had food to eat and clothes to wear. As far as I was concerned, money was not an issue, so that was all I needed to know. I got to do all the normal "kid stuff" and was fortunate to grow up with 2 siblings.
I met my husband, James, in high school, and we got married ten years later. We had an amazing wedding and honeymoon.

We have since had a baby boy, Jameson, or 'JJ' as he likes to call himself. He is my pride and joy. He changed my life forever the day he was born, and every day he is in my life, he makes it that much better. . . . and if that doesn't seem like enough, we are now waiting on baby number 2 & 3 - yup, twins! Double the work, double the worry, but mostly, double the love.

In my mind, there is no better life than one filled with love, so I guess I like to think that there is no one more fortunate.