Sunday, May 3, 2009

Good Enough Mother

Some days, no matter how hard you try to get the day back on track, you just end up feeling like a complete failure for one or many reasons. For me, today, was one of those days.

Of course, I am pregnant and emotional, but I am sitting in bed writing this post with the feeling that today I was just not a good enough mother. In fact, the overwhelming feeling I had at the end of the day was wondering if I was ever a really good mother. Lately, I seem to be thinking about this an awful lot, and I don't always like my own answer.

Although today seemed uneventful, by the end of the day, the little struggles of the day and my response to them left me with lingering feelings of inadequacy - 'Was I too harsh? Was I unreasonable? Where did I go wrong? Have I done everything I can? Why won't he cooperate? Why does it make me so mad (then sad)?'. By the end of the day, all I wanted to do was cry.

I thought posting would have a cathartic effect, and it has, but I am still struggling with how I move past this feeling. The answer for me here is to see what I can do that makes me feel like a better parent. It seems I've made myself this promise time and time again, but I always struggle when it's time to make good on it. I see these 3 little faces, and I want to be the best parent I can be, so why do I keep falling on my face?

Tomorrow, I will try again, but I swear if they turn out to be confident, well-adjusted adults, I will not take even half the credit. I love being a mom, but these are the hardest days I have lived.

1 comment:

Chatter said...

It's hard Julie. There is no other way to slice it. And for some it's easier than others. I'm not referring to myself of course.

We do the best we can and hope for the best. It's always good to try harder. So far, what has worked best for me, is to ask myself "is it really that big of a deal? do I need to stress out over this? and what will help this situation". Usually my typical response is more damaging so lately I've been staying a lot more calm. Gotta wipe a butt. try to write more later