Herd of Children

We have five kids.  To us, it doesn't feel like "too many" because this is just our life.  However, sometimes I am reminded, like tonight, that having five kids seems like an unmanageable or undesirable amount of children to some.  Recently, at a a Christmas school function, a parent of one of the kids' classmates referred to them as our "herd of children".  I smiled and responded that it's not that different than having three, like them.  Jokingly, he responded that he would take my word for it.

With our youngest now over 3, I find it amusing that some people still wonder how we (and other big families) do it.

Like most parents, I cannot imagine life without any one of my kids.  Yet, I know some parents will cringe at the thought of caring for any more kids than they already have.  Despite compelling evidence to the contrary, most of us are fairly set in our opinions of how many children we want.  Therefore, I share with you my thoughts on my favorite 10 things (no particular order) about having a big family, not because I think it will persuade anyone that having lots of kids is better than they thought.  Rather, to share my perspective on why some of us are "crazy" enough to love having a big family.

10. Love truly multiplies.  I did have some doubts early on whether there would be enough of me to be able to love all my kids how I wanted to love them.  The moment the twins were born, I knew I was foolish for thinking that way.  I didn't just love them.  My understanding of love grew.

9. They love, help, and inspire each other in unexpected ways.  From helping each other with breakfast before mom and dad get out of bed to learning to give a meaningful apology, their emotional intelligence is amazing.

8.  There's always a party at your house, er, our house.

7.  It's a lot easier to get most labor-intensive tasks done with 5 little helpers.  They need a lot more direction than adult helpers, but they love to clean baseboards, walls, and windows, which most adults hate to do.

6.  Nothing else in life seems as challenging as raising a large family.  Really, it's not as difficult as some may think, but it definitely makes my "day job" seem easy by comparison.

5.  I love to be busy, yes, insanely busy.  At the end of each week, we've probably averaged 15-20 extra-curricular events, as well as the day-to-day madness of getting ready for school and work and attending any family or school events we might have.

4.  I am humbled to be surrounded by a house full of little people way more amazing than I ever was.  I love to watch as our kids develop their talents and skills, and I see so much promise in them that I hope I am lucky enough to watch them grow into adults.

3.  Every outing, even simple ones, can really be an adventure.  Some days it's exhausting.   Many times, it's fun, challenging, and some time even exhilarating.

2.  Someone is always ready to spend time with you, no matter what you're doing.  Some days I'm just excited to think about how the kids will react when I tell them what I plan on doing that day.  Many/most things are new experiences to them, and I love to be the one to introduce them to the world.

1. It will never get old and never be less amazing to hold your tiny newborn and feel the hope and power of the miracle in front of you.

I'm sure it does not sound any more appealing to some, maybe most.  Either way, it doesn't really matter.  We're the ones living it, and we love it!

Good Enough Mother

Some days, no matter how hard you try to get the day back on track, you just end up feeling like a complete failure for one or many reasons. For me, today, was one of those days.

Of course, I am pregnant and emotional, but I am sitting in bed writing this post with the feeling that today I was just not a good enough mother. In fact, the overwhelming feeling I had at the end of the day was wondering if I was ever a really good mother. Lately, I seem to be thinking about this an awful lot, and I don't always like my own answer.

Although today seemed uneventful, by the end of the day, the little struggles of the day and my response to them left me with lingering feelings of inadequacy - 'Was I too harsh? Was I unreasonable? Where did I go wrong? Have I done everything I can? Why won't he cooperate? Why does it make me so mad (then sad)?'. By the end of the day, all I wanted to do was cry.

I thought posting would have a cathartic effect, and it has, but I am still struggling with how I move past this feeling. The answer for me here is to see what I can do that makes me feel like a better parent. It seems I've made myself this promise time and time again, but I always struggle when it's time to make good on it. I see these 3 little faces, and I want to be the best parent I can be, so why do I keep falling on my face?



Tomorrow, I will try again, but I swear if they turn out to be confident, well-adjusted adults, I will not take even half the credit. I love being a mom, but these are the hardest days I have lived.

Getting the Babies to Sleep . . . Sure

I'm not really a napper (unless I'm pregnant), so I don't really take kindly to napping.  James has a habit of staying up way too late wasting time online or working on a new project he probably will not finish when he should be in bed.  He often complains how tired he is, and he usually blames it on poor sleep quality.  I normally blame it on poor bedtime habits.  It's a discussion we have often.

So . . . you can imagine that when I find him napping or suspect he has fallen asleep following one of his late night blogging sessions, I am usually a little aggravated.  Well, on this particular afternoon, he had gone upstairs to "get the babies to sleep", and he was gone for quite a while.  After about 45 minutes, I began to suspect he had fallen asleep, so I was going to wake him up to help me with cleaning.  

Here is what I saw as I opened the door to the babies' room.

I was ready to be mad, but I could not stop laughing.

Bad Day

Today, I was a bad mother . . . well, not really today, but yesterday. It was just a bad enough day that I didn't get to post about it.

After a long hiatus from blogging, I decided that if I didn't get a post up already, I might as well just quit altogether.

We're going on two weeks now with at least 1 or more sick babies. I'm not sure if they're picking up different viruses or if the course of this one is just really long. Jameson keeps pulling out mile long boogers (I know, TMI) despite my efforts to stop him. Nonetheless, I think we're on the tailend of it.

Ordinarily, my mother comes out during the day to help me keep my sanity and make sure at least JJ's needs are met. Well, as luck would have it, she got sick too. As much as I would have liked her to come out anyway, I told her to stay home until she was totally healthy. Today, I paid for it.

The morning started out innocently enough with JJ and mom curled up watching some cartoons. I had gotten up earlier to feed the babies, so they slept until 10:30. Then, all hell broke loose. Truman woke up crying, and I thought I would feed him and he'd likely go back to sleep. I fed him, but he didn't go back to sleep. At this point, I needed to get JJ some breakfast, so I set Truman in his swing to make JJ some eggs and oatmeal. Breakfast was the usual struggle with Jameson, but Truman cried in the background the whole time.

After I finished with Jameson, I tried feeding Truman again, but I could tell I was out of milk. Instead, I made him a bottle. He refused it even though he was hungry. I was starving at this point, and I knew I would not have any milk unless I ate. I made myself breakfast, and, again, Truman cried all the way through my breakfast.

I thought since he had a chance to get pretty hungry, he would take some formula. Wrong again. He still refused it, and continued to cry. Now, Amelia wakes up and wants to eat. So, again, I set Truman down to feed Amelia, and he continues crying. She fusses most of the way through her meal (as usual), but seems happy by the time she is finished. I set her down to try to deal with Truman. I feed him some more, and he finally falls asleep. I breathe a sigh of relief, and take a moment to change JJ.

No sooner do I get JJ cleaned up, then Truman is crying again. I try some formula again, but he continues to refuse it. So I bite the bullet, and just let him sit there and nurse as much as he can. He is content for a short while and dozes off to sleep again. In all this commotion, JJ asks me, "Can I get something to eat?" (no joke - those were his exact words) . I apologize to him, and tell him I am doing my best but Truman is not really cooperating today. I set Truman down expecting him to start crying shortly. He does, but I continue with JJ's lunch.

It's about 1 pm at this point when I finish Jameson's lunch, and I sit down with him to make sure he eats. Truman continues crying in the background. We are finished by about 1:30, and I return to Truman. I try a bottle again, but he still refuses. I nurse him as much as I can, but I haven't eaten much so I have not produced much milk. While feeding Truman, I decide I want the doctor to look at JJ's eye since he has been picking at it since he's been sick. I was worried about pink eye or some type of infection, so I wanted to say on top of it. They give me an appointment at 4.

I called James at work, and told him to come home as soon as possible because I have an appointment for JJ, and Truman has spent the entire day crying. Somehow he understands that I need him home by 3:30 pm. I continue to struggle with a fussy Truman, a tired JJ, and a hungry Amelia. James gets to the house at about 3:25, and I run upstairs to change out of my PJ's sadly enough. JJ and I rush to get ready and head out the door.

I have a few moments of peace from 3:30 until 5:30, when we return home. James feels bad about the stressful day I've had and sends me to the bookstore with Jameson to get away. Yet, I'm tired, so an outting to the bookstore was not really in my plans. I need to fill JJ's prescription, so I decide to go to Target, and see if he forgets about the bookstore. (JJ likes to go to Barnes & Noble because in the Kids' section they have a Thomas the Train trainset that all the kids like).

We get to Target, and I take his prescription to the counter. She tells me it will be ready in 10 minutes, but I didn't give it much thought since I figured I would just pick it up once we finished. JJ and I go on to look at the toys and anything else we can to pass the time. By the time I decide we're ready to go, I head back to the pharmacy window to pick up the prescription. However, it's closed at this point. I was pretty ticked, but I guess I only had myself to blame. I didn't realize they closed the pharmacy before the rest of the store.

We headed back home and get home to find that dinner's not ready. We settle on hot dogs and mac-n-cheese (not the healthiest choice, but definitely one of the quickest). I don't care at all at this point and just eat whatever is in front of me. The night cannot end soon enough.

JJ eats. I feed the babies, who continued fussing on and off. James takes JJ to shower, then I take him up to hang out for a while. I passed out at some point, and James took care of everything else. Thank God! I needed it. It doesn't sound like much, but listening to babies cry ALL DAY LONG makes for a pretty stressful day.

I was short on hands, time, and patience. I hope my children forgive me.

Warning: Bad Parenting Skills Ahead

In 15 years, Jameson will probably look back and blame us for the bad sleeping and eating habits we have given him (although we did our best initially to avoid them). Lately, it's all too much that we choose our battles, and junk food and bedtime are two we often lose. Only time will tell how much damage we have done. We do our best to be the best parents we know how to be, but lack of sleep, newborn twins, and a persistent toddler REALLY make that difficult.

Here is some evidence:

There is one thing I find really hypocritical about most parents (including us). We all want the best for our children, and we try to shelter them from making the same bad choices we make. Here is JJ eating an ice cream sandwich (one of my favorite guilty pleasures). Poor kid has his mom and dad's nasty sweet tooth. Yes, we could have made a healthier food choice, but is it really fair to treat yourself then tell your kid he can't have it? I am sure I will hear about this one from James.

Here's more evidence of what many would consider a bad habit, but it's one of my favorite nighttime activities. JJ likes to curl up in bed with me and watch Justice League Unlimited, Batman, and/or Superfriends. Here he is tonight waiting on me to get him some milk and come watch his shows with him. Maybe once our schedules normalize here, he'll get to bed at a decent hour again. If and when that happens, I will miss our little ritual. I am sure his dad will be happy to see it go.