Work For It, Damn It!

Driving home from work yesterday, I saw a truck for a rent-to-own furniture store, and on the side was written, 'because everyone deserves nice things'. At the time, I didn't give it much thought other than noting that companies with mottos like that are just what our entitlement culture needs.

The thought came back to me tonight while doing dishes because I had read a blog earlier about socializing health care. I thought, 'Is there no limit to what we expect the government to provide for us?' What is the lesson here for my children (since this is a blog about family)? Something like 'Hey, don't worry about working hard because the government is going to take care of you'. I don't subscribe to this idea, and I want to raise children that believe in the power of freedom and self-reliance.

As I thought some more, while loading and unloading the dishwasher for the 2nd time today, the movie The Pursuit of Happyness came to mind because I remembered something that had really struck me when I watched it. I remember that Will Smith's character (Chris Gardner), during one of his struggles between poverty and homelessness thinks of Thomas Jefferson. According to the IMDB, the dialogue goes like this:

It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?

At his wits' end, Will Smith's character begins to doubt he will ever find happiness. What I love about the movie - he perseveres! Despite all the difficulties he has faced, he doesn't just give up and expect the government to take care of him, instead, he uses his unhappiness with his current situation as motivation to work his way out of it. I know, it's just a movie, but if you listen to the real Chris Gardner on YouTube, his life was, in fact, worse than the movie portrayed.

Having the freedom to pursue happiness - that is truly freedom. Our freedom and entrepreneurial spirit is part of what makes me feel blessed that I get to raise my children in this country. I hope they will never think they deserve something because others have it. I want them to grow up firmly believing they are masters of their own destiny.

Blogcation

Okay, so it's been a while since I last posted. It was all too much, but I finally feel ready to write again. It's been an eventful month with the kids: Amelia walks, Truman is starting, we've all been sick, we had a great Christmas . . .

I was over committed on my Christmas projects, so something had to go. I'd apologize to my readers if I had any left, but I guess I really owe my apology to my kids since this is the closest I will ever come to a journal. Oddly, I think I discovered tonight why I don't keep a journal and have never felt compelled to keep one.

When I think about keeping a journal or a diary, I think of it as a place to record thoughts that I might not share with others. On our way home from a short night out tonight, James and I were talking about some of the conversations we had with other people and a thought occurred to me - I'm an open book. There's not much I won't tell people (if they want to know) about myself - even people I've just met. I never really gave it much thought until my brother made a comment once about my blog and the idea of revealing personal stories and thoughts for anyone to see. The idea of sharing his personal thoughts and life events with just anyone was a strange idea to him.

I guess the way I see it is that I've got nothing to hide. Read if you care. Don't read if you don't care or if you're bored. We're all human and experience many of the same things to some degree. Why would I keep everything to myself when it's so much more fun to share those experiences with others when I can? Why keep a diary when I can share my thoughts with others?

Happy New Year!

Not Ready For This

Last night while getting Jameson to bed, he told me, "Mom, I don't wanna die.".  My heart broke a little, and I didn't really know what to say.  He continued with the following questions:

Am I going to die?

Why do I have to die?

Will the man that made me make me better so I can come back?

Are you going to die?

Is Dad going to die?

Who is going to be my Mom and Dad if you die?

Bombarded with these questions, I didn't really know how to answer.  I didn't want to lie to him, but I didn't want to scare him either.  I did my best to reassure him, but he just wanted to hear me say that none of us would die.  I couldn't do that, so he started crying in the middle of his questioning because I think he sensed my inability to fully reassure him.

"Yes, we're going to die, but hopefully not for a long time.  Honey, I can't promise you that I'm not going to die, but hopefully Momma will be around until you're a big man and you have your own kids.  I'm sorry I don't know all the answers to your questions, but no one really knows."  I felt myself sinking.  He persisted, and I couldn't help but cry as I empathized with his sadness and fear.  I called James in the room, and I'm not sure he did any better.

Wow, I was not prepared for these questions or these emotions yet.  He's only 3, and I guess I didn't think the fear of death would enter his mind until he was a lot older.  I was wrong.  Tonight, he told me he didn't want to die because he was scared.  This time he was much calmer, and he let it go after I tried my best to tell him it was okay to be scared.  I told him I thought we're all a little scared, but we should live our lives to enjoy our life, not to waste it worrying about something we can't change.  He seemed somewhat satisfied with that response although I'm sure it's not the last I will hear of it.

With all this talk of death, I couldn't help but think about my own worries.  What if one or both of us does die?  Who will be their "mom & dad" if we both do?  What if my children don't get to know their parents?  Or worse, I can't even bear to think about other scenarios.  I think it would be great if I would just take my own advice.  I've said my prayers, so I guess I have no choice but to leave this in God's hands.  Now, I'm just praying for all the right answers.

Hardest Job in the World

I am convinced that being a mom is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world.  I am sure many would disagree with me.  You're entitled to your opinion, but read on if you want to get an idea what it's like to be a mom from my perspective.

You should consider that being a mom is not a full-time job.  I had one of those, and it's only about 40 hours.  Whatever I could not finish by Friday, I could leave for the following Monday, usually.  When you're a mom, the bedtime stories, dirty diapers, and hungry babies just can't wait until next week.  Sometimes, I wish they could, but as soon as I think about the alternative, I am always happy to get back to work.

Some days I feel like a successful mom, and other days I feel like a complete failure.  Lately, I have felt more like a failure than a success.  It's a daily struggle to make it through a day with a two-year old that likes to throw a lot of tantrums. "Don't do that!", "Stop it!", "I'm counting to 3", "Didn't I tell you . . . ", "Sit down!", "Be gentle with the babies", and "Cut it out!" seem to be all that comes out of my mouth some days.  At the end of the day, when I stare at a beautiful baby sleeping peacefully in bed, I beat myself up about my impatience.  I promise that tomorrow I will try to reason with him instead of being so hard on him.  He is, after all, just 2.

Sometimes everybody is hungry - all at once.  I try to determine who is hungriest based on the how loud his/she is crying or the how many times I'm asked for candy.  Bottle feeding the twins wouldn't seem so bad during these times, but I have picky eaters, of course.  My 2 year-old likes to think he's ordering a la carte at his favorite restaurant, making demands like, "I want pancakes, bacon, and juice."  I try to convince him that eggs, oatmeal, or cereal are a better alternative.  Sometimes he cooperates.  Sometimes I give in.  Usually, he nibbles at whatever I have served him, and I spend the next half hour convincing him to do a puzzle so I can get a decent amount of food into him.

Many days, I have help.  Thank God!  Some days I don't.  The days I don't someone usually throws up or comes down with the latest cold making its way around.  I make big plans for these days like 'I'm gonna get all the laundry done, and when the kids take a nap, I'll do all the filing.'.  I have yet to catch up on laundry, and my filing is still sitting in stacks on the desk.

I haven't slept through the night since March of 2007.  My tiny human alarm clocks don't skip meals, especially not at night.  I'm usually too tired to move them back to their beds, so most mornings I wake up with a baby on each side of me.   And . . . if I dare sleep past 8 a.m., Jameson is on the floor of my bedroom throwing a tantrum because "it's wake-up time", and he wants to go downstairs.

Showering alone has become a luxury.  By the time I get to shower, there's a baby due for a shower also.  Occasionally, there's 3 babies due for showers.  Baths are a rare occurrence here.  There simply isn't time every night for 3 baths.

I know.  I sound like an ingrate, but remember that I said 'hardest, but most rewarding'.  At the end of the day, it's all worth it to watch 3 beautiful babies sleeping peacefully, even if it means that I still need to do some laundry and wash dishes.

I know I'm late on this one, but do you really expect me to be on time?  If you're a mom and you can relate to my own experience, pat yourself on the back.  You're doing the best you can.  Happy Belated Mother's Day.

The Best Lessons Are Not Learned At School

Despite being less than 3, my kids have taught me far more in the last 2 plus years than I ever learned at school. Before I had them, I always wondered about the whole motherhood bond - you know, that whole thing about 'you wouldn't understand unless you're a mom' thing. Well, now I understand that . . . and much more.

Since having Jameson, James and I have started to think about how we envision our lives 5, 10, and 20 years from now. I think having children forces people to give serious thought to how you will provide for the financial stability of your family and still have the flexibility to live the life you want with them. After all, why have children if you can't enjoy them? Don't kid yourself either though. Financial stability is important also because it is what allows you the freedom to live the life you want.

Financial stability means something different to everyone. To us (and I am speaking here on James's behalf), it means that we can live the way we want to live with our children, travel when we can & want to travel, allow ourselves to have fun without worry, and provide for our future and that of our children. That may seem like a tall order, but for a very long time I always envisioned leaving behind some type of "empire" to my children. As they and I grow older, my resolve only grows stronger. Allow me to give you some background.

My father emigrated from Mexico to the US after what he believed would be a temporary position became permanent. After a few of life's hard knocks, he began work as an independent consultant. He was successful enough to need to hire more help and so began his engineering company. I was 3 and half when he incorporated, so as I grew up, so did the company. I have had the good fortune to watch it, first, from afar through its ups and downs and, second, from within as we have worked together to build something of which we are both proud.

He has been my greatest teacher in matters of business, and I have learned very much through his example. I know one of the greatest lessons I have learned from watching him is that we must pursue our dreams because it's certain that they will not pursue us. That is, if you want to accomplish something, then you are the only one with the power to set it in motion.

Since I first saw Forrest Gump, it has been one of my favorite movies. I could never really identify why, but after getting JJ's nasty bug this weekend I had a chance to do some reading and realized why. I started reading Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money that the Middle Class and Poor Don't (highly recommended) upon the suggestion of our financial advisor (just hired). Later, I was in the shower reflecting on what I had read, and for some reason I thought of Forrest Gump. One of the messages I have taken away from the book (so far) is that education and intelligence are really only useful if you know how to apply them (in this case, specifically financial intelligence). I suppose Forrest Gump is a perfect example of someone who wasn't "intelligent" by the generally accepted definition and not highly educated, but he always pursued what he wanted.

I digress, but the point of all of this is that my childhood, professional, and now parental experience has taught me that sitting back and waiting for that "big break" is really more a myth than a reality. I think I always knew that deep down, but for some reason I just had not gotten around to acting upon it. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was lack of knowledge. Maybe it was laziness. Maybe a bit of all three, but I am ready to change that now.

I'm not talking about quitting my job or even changing it (in fact, my stake in the company is one of my greatest assets & accomplishments), but many of the strategies I read about in Rich Dad Poor Dad ring true for me. James and I have talked about them for some time, but I am committing myself to acting upon them. I watched my father follow his own dream (with some nudging from my mother) and build a great life for himself and his family. I want to set the same example for my children. You know, "Stupid is as stupid does." as Forrest would say, so I refuse to be paralyzed by fear - that would be stupid.

Here's a little extra for you . . .the Trubaby watching his mom writing up her post.